March 05
3/2/05
God spoke to me this morning. He told me he will give me as much power, (well I shouldn’t use the word power because what God gives is beyond power. I think we could call it life/soul substance or Source. I used what God gave me this morning. I still feel good about that. The Source or light from God poured out of me like a waterfall. This same power will pour out of other people too. That is something we should never forget, any gift from God is meant to be shared.
I think I know why creativity has been downplayed so much in our society, why good artist and writers starve, it is because the enemy has no creative ability whatsoever. I suspect it is a trait of a computer mind residing inside a human body. A computer may be able to do many things, but it can never create new ideas. It must steal its ideas from us. The enemy may laugh its way to the bank, but I will laugh my way into heaven, a place where the enemy is barred from entering.
3/3/05
I used to joke that if prayer could make us thin, a lot more prayers would be floating up to heaven. Now I think it is no longer a joke. I am learning that the more I gather God's light within myself, the more at peace I feel, but also, the more my body wants to fit right. By this I mean to exercise and eat less. I asked myself why this should be and it makes sense if you think about it. The light from God is full of love and great love would naturally tend to move us towards optimum well-being.
A big advantage to us of the light, as far as weight goes, is that it gradually pushes against the darkness of soul that surrounds us. I learned long ago that it is the enemy who is pushing people to gain weight. It uses numerous means such as fast food eateries, food cravings, and a sedate life style. I believe that all the things we do negatively to ourselves shows how influenced we can be by the enemy. We swim in a darkness filled with tiny air particles that we can't see, but that surrounds us. When we envelope ourselves in God's light, we are better able to protect ourselves and our souls from this dark invasion.
I have known this for a while and could see the enemy push at other people as well as myself but felt helpless to change it. It is such a basic need and one we think we deserve that it is hard to change. But I have been gathering the light within myself for a while now and I feel as if my needs are changing. The light works very slowly and might easily be blocked by fear or idleness. That is what was wrong with me. I tried so many times in life that I was afraid to try again, and had built up a million excuses why I couldn’t do it.
But the light works. I began exercising and slowly cutting down on what I eat. Actually, what I am doing is dropping the excuses for over eating. I owe this new attitude to a special friend. Through my own effort, and the light of God within me, I can push the darkness away and make a new me.
3/4/05
I have tried to picture what the enemy has done to all of us and the only way I can do this is to come up with an analogy. It is as if we are walking though a vicious fluid in which the enemy determines the direction of flow. This doesn’t bother us too much if we accept the direction that is done to us. But if we begin to push away from the current, the force builds up against us. We are meant to keep our place even if that place is on the bottom. The only thing that can loosen this vicious fluid’s grip on us is the light from God. The light that gave us life can also turn the heavy fluid we walk through every day into lightweight water.
Ok, maybe it isn’t a good analogy but it is how I feel at times, as if my every step was sticky with goop that I keep needing to push against. My sister said something that gave me this idea of the analogy. She mentioned that Satan controls the world. I did a mental flip with that notion because I have always refused to accept it. I know that God is here too, but so does she. So I began thinking about many of our common human problems, income, overweight, taxes, bills, laziness, sorrow, relationships and all the rest. If we think about it deeply, it seems as if all negatives might be indirectly and directly laid at the enemy feet.
At first glance that notion seems silly because it would mean that we don’t make our own choices. True, but the enemy may influence our choices and decisions. That is why I came up with the notion of people walking through thick liquid with the enemy directing it. It helps to understand the enemy as much as possible because it gives us more standing when we decide to go against the normal flow or push out from under its manipulations. Thankfully, most of us manage to do so on and off during our lives.
I think we may still be fighting Hitler. According to Revelation a leader who is mortally wounded will be revived. This could mean Hitler was dead and then revived by his followers. His soul could now sit in another person. If this is true, then we are also still fighting his type of ideas, such as pure race or pure blood. The world is testament to this, but people have pushed against such a notion because we recognize it as, not only false, but silly.
The more the attitude of the
unworthiness of certain people’s right to prosperity is
pushed the stronger the enemy becomes. Such a notion is obvious in
Regardless, the enemy knows that I will do something that will end its reign, but it doesn’t know what. Neither do the angels who have spoken to me. Once when they told me this I asked, “What is it that I will do?”
They answered, with it seemed to me exasperation, “We don’t know.”
From this I presume that they are looking into some kind of time vision. They have learned of an action, but can’t see how this action comes about only its result. I believe strongly that our enemy also knows this future and that may be another reason why it pushes so hard against me. But any one of us would do the same if we thought we could end horror against so many innocent people.
I should note that a few of the angels who talk to me are actually people from this near-future who are enslaved by the enemy. I began calling them angels because they were able to speak to me of things that would happen. Other angels who talk to me are more like what we consider real angels. They come from such a far off future that they have real power. As it says in Revelation, they follow Jesus. Also in Revelation, it states that the angels fought this enemy before it fell down to earth. They have come back to help us now.
3/4/05
I woke up strangely angry this
morning. This is odd because I went to bed with a positive attitude and hopeful
thoughts. So I think the enemy used a spell against me while I slept last night
in an attempt to change my good attitude. The angels have told me before that
the enemy can use spells like a witch. I find this hard to believe because we
in
A spell or incantation is like sending a anti-prayer to stream outwards to its goal. It is easer to understand voodoo than spells. The purpose of a spell is doing harm to someone or something. I cannot imagine there can be such thing as a good witch, one who would use spells against some other person or situation. A witch’s spell goes into the land of the soul and earth. It rides through darkness until it hits its goal, which is usually a detraction of health, mental agility, love-loss, or some other detrimental effect. This is why I call it an anti-prayer, also a form of anti-Christ. Jesus never used any spells or incantations to do his work on earth, he used the light from God. God's light is exactly opposite a witch’s spell because it explodes in life giving soul auras, physical healings, and feelings of bliss.
I wonder now if I called out to God in my amazement. I had just read something that suddenly send me on an upward spiral of knowledge and truth. I was delighted. And God seemed to reciprocate my feeling with his presence. Also God told me something very important that I won’t relate here because it is too revealing and personal. But finding a new truth is worth more to me than any amount of money. I suspect all of heaven knows this by now and encourages me to keep up the search.
I came across the words of Thoth, an Egyptian god of wisdom, in a book and his respect for the power of the word, which made me suddenly rethink my own idea about the power of words. Words are used in witching spells. The bible tells us that in the beginning was the word. I wasn't sure, but I thought it was John's bible that began like that so I went and looked it up. Yes, John glorifies the power of God and the word.
Joh 1:1 In the beginning was the Word [or, the Expression of [divine] Logic], and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. [ALT]
Light against darkness. Words of God against the words of Satan. Word of light. John is speaking the literal truth when he begins his gospel with the word. And so many times I passed over this truth. The word was made flesh. We are all created from the word of God. God's word is the light. Therefore, words can have great power.
After waking up angry or upset, I decided I would listen to my friend Y’s advise. He told me I should take a few minutes, both night and morning, to meditate. He suggested at least fifteen minutes. Now I understand why. So I made sure I meditated this morning and will tonight.
My meditation was beautiful, as usual. A number of us joined together to spread God’s golden light around the globe. I was pleased when even a whale joined us in this effort. For one second this morning, the whole of earth was covered in a bubble of golden aura reaching deep beneath the surface and high into the sky. God’s light filled all of earth. One day, God’s light will cover earth all the time.
3/10/05
I was angry yesterday. I ordered a few of my book that I revised, Heaven’s Own, and expected to pick them up at Barnes and Nobel. When I got there I was told that the vendor had refused to place my order. I called the book publisher and learned that the wholesaler is going through some kind of re-do and can’t supply books until the end of March. That means that from the time I had the book revised to now, my web page wasn’t working if someone wanted to order the book. Chalk one up for the enemy of mankind.
When I put in my order, the angels told me that the enemy didn’t expect me to do such a thing as order the books from a regular book seller. So I conclude that the enemy somehow made sure that the wholesaler couldn’t supply my book. In this way, I will be stopped. I have not been stopped. This enemy knows the future, but so does the angels who tell me that my writings will give strength and courage one day. As Jesus told me once as we stood in the future, “You have already won.”
3/5/05-copied 3/9/05
While we were still gathered in the circle this morning and had spread the light of the Source over the earth, Jesus suddenly stepped out of the circle and reminded us of our duty by saying, "You need to do it yourself. Heaven can't do it for you."
I don't know why he thought it was important to remind us at this time. It may have been something we saw or hoped for that caused Jesus words. But he didn't just say them, he stepped out of the circle to do so. This made his words more noticeable to each of us still holding hands in the circle.
We had went to various places and sent God's light forward where ever we could.
It may be presumptive of me to say it, but I believe that spreading the light
from God is working and we are beginning to receive benefit from our efforts.
The news reports that a large number of pedophiles and a few killers from the
past have been caught in the
I guess I could compare the needed effort to the exercise I am finally doing everyday. I didn't for years because, as I told myself, I am not the type or I don't have time. It took visiting the light of God for a long time before I finally could push hard enough against the flow holding me still.
So Jesus is telling us that even though we spread the light of God over the earth, it will still take much effort to clean it up. We need to put the perps away behind bars who would destroy civility and peace. And perhaps, let a few out who don't belong in prison. We seem to have a hard time knowing who is a follower of the God and who isn't.
Regardless, we need all the light from God we can gather up to use. It certainly has helped me and it will help us enlighten the whole earth. This brings up a subject I hesitate to write about. What if, while we cover the earth with light, we come across a soul or person who refuses the light? Do we have the right to spread the light of the Source over the earth? Even over some people who may cringe beneath its gentle force?
Isn't that the purpose of our spreading this light? To banish wrongness and evil from the earth? Yet, what right do we have to do so if it is against someone else's will? I don't have a definite answer but I believe that the flow of light from God is so mild and gentle that if a person chooses to refuses it, (a spark from God is already in them or they wouldn't be alive) they could avoid it. In other words, even though we spread the light around the world, small dark spots remain.
I am referring to dark in the realm of the psyche or soul, we can't see the light spreading forward unless we use our minds for sight. Using our mind's eye helps us see the golden flow of God's essence or the silver glow of life that comes from the Source which is God. It all comes from God but we see it in many different aspects.
Regardless, I don't intend to stop my efforts to spread the Source or golden flow of God. Heaven is waiting in the wings to see if we can overcome this evil that has penetrated our space to infect us. If we can overcome it, we will find great wonders waiting for us. I suspect these wonders include a fuller use of our mental abilities. Maybe, it is the need to overcome the enemy that teaches us how to use these wonders.
3/6/05
After church, Jesus told me during my meditation that it was a good distinction I made between the light of the Source and the golden light of God. He explained that the Source is what gives life to all things, it is the breath of life within us and is the source of our souls. I understood that the golden essence of God is more physical in nature? It seems to flow into matter like the earth and seep into its rocks and soils more deeply. I don't know if I am saying this right. The golden essence seems to be a part of God's aura. Yes. When we pave the streets with golden aura and fill up the oceans, we are helping spread God through it all.
The reading in church today was instructive. Paul talks about light against darkness. I didn’t' know how much I was following the gospels when I write about light; although, I have always admired John's gospel more then the others. He refers to Jesus as the light of the world. I have found this to be true so many times, yet each time this truth is revealed to me, it seems fresh amazing. He is still the light of the world and now he glows and sends this light into us for our use.
This is a good time to stress that what God gives and what Jesus gives is for everyone. They don't play favorites like we do. When Jesus teaches me something, it is not for me alone but for everyone who is willing to listen. The whole point and purpose is the teaching.
This reminds me of what I told my granddaughter as we talked about God. She was greatly concerned about something I wrote in the 1st chapter of my book, Travels in Time and Space. She brought it out and asked me to read it to her, so I did even though it is a subject for adults. In this chapter, God said to me, "Heaven isn't what you think." I told her that I am still wrestling with the meaning of this statement. She took it as frightening because maybe heaven isn't really paradise. She has been traumatized by the death of two loving grandparents in the last few years; so her reaction was natural for her.
I assured her that she would go to heaven and that heaven was paradise. She asked me about bad people and "Don't good people turn into angels?"
I answered that heaven is like school. Children in Kindergarten need to learn how to share books and other things before they can go on to the first grade. So heaven may be like that. When you die you go to the heaven you earned. God gave us a soul that can never die. It needs to go someplace. "God is a great teacher." I told her.
This pleased her immensely. "We are all on earth to learn just like you go to school to learn." I added. She seemed satisfied with my answers. I felt good about realizing that God as a teacher. We meditated together for five minutes. I told her not to meditate longer than a few minutes each day. At your age, the best way you can follow Jesus by living and learning. That is what Jesus wants from all of us.
3/7/05
I have only become sure of this reality since I began writing books myself, it is that truth is in fiction or to put it another way, fiction incorporates a great deal of truth in its pages. This book I have been reading, “Decipher” by Stel Pavlou, is a perfect example of this statement. It has so much truth mixed in with the fiction, it is hard to know the difference. I hope the plot has no baring on reality or we are all in deep trouble.
The book refers to all the old civilizations and their writing and knowledge
with hints of their greatness. The greatness of the civilizations of the past
is often over looked by most of us, but we still use the base 60 math from the
Sumerian civilization of 3,000 BC in our degrees of a circle. A lot of past
knowledge and its real value has been lost and this book brings that fact to
the surface. I thought I had read everything regarding esoteric knowledge, but
this book included everything all and more. I even learned that the word in
Revelation that implies radiation, “wormwood” means
I read a reference to the Zero Point Energy concept in quantum physics, a state in which infinite energy is waiting to be tapped from any point in space. I remembered what God said to me about making available me, and all of us who keep searching, as much light-power as I could ever want or need. I suddenly realized that this meant an infinite amount like the quantum concept. Now I know that we can get zero point energy from God.
“Yes,” Jesus said to me, “the power that the spiritual mind picks up from God is the same as the concept of zero point energy.”
Remember what Einstein said about the earth being frozen matter. The only thing that isn’t frozen on earth is life. This translates to the human mind because humans, and perhaps a few other earth beings, have the ability to tap into the power of God. Our minds are one machine on earth that can pick up and use this zero point energy.
Amazing. Imagine what this means. It not only means that the Source is infinite, but that our ability to use it as energy is also infinite. Energy to heal bodies, souls, lives. Energy to correct many broken things within us and around us. The only problem is how to use this vast amount of energy we have learned to tap into. How do we apply it? Who and what do we use it for? There is much to learn and I intend to learn it. Jesus has promised me that I will. The concept of having as much power for good as any of us need or want is such a staggering concept that it will take me time to come to grips with the idea.
Later that day after learning about God power, I reflected about it and wondered how something so good could happen to me. I realized something important. I have grown into a decent and worthy person. I am not saying I am a decent person, I am saying I have grown into one. There is a big difference. And because of what I have chosen to become, God has found me worthy. Thank you Jesus.
Note- The book Decipher included every concept except the I ching. The I ching is like a
computer language from very long ago, perhaps 4,000 BC. If you set it’s
trigrams into a square grid, it looks like some type of code for a computer.
Many books have mentioned this fact. It seems odd to me that it was excluded in
Pavlou’s book. Every other esoteric source of
knowledge was in the book. Perhaps it is because the book is about discovering
a new language from the past and the I ching is too
obvious. Or, perhaps the writer believes that
3/10/05 – late night
I was upset tonight because of the book problem I wrote about, but felt better later and was even laughing about it until something else happened to throw me off my stride. Isn’t that always the way it works? Well I have been so lucky lately to keep on an even keel that I shouldn’t complain. But. tonight when I visited with Y I was still in my emotional state of upset and he hugged me. It felt good to be with him and he is usually the first person I run to because he is my nearest human relay when I feel troubled. I know he has been through his own sorrows and troubles even greater than mine. He knew before I did that the power that God gives us to us is infinite. I am sure he already knows better than I do how to use it wisely. I still have much to learn about God’s zero point energy. I love that phrase.
Jesus suddenly smiled at me and said, "I know you do."
Was it Jesus who made sure I read such a phrase? Maybe.
Tonight Y suggested that we go someplace because it would make me feel better. So we walked into the tunnel and I felt its side. It feels hard but velvety and pulses with life. I don't know if it has any awareness that I am touching it, but I like the sensation. We walked to its end and had a momentary decision over who would decide where to go. I didn't want to choose because I was still too emotional and maybe would make a bad choice. So Jesus said he knew of the perfect place.
We stepped into the rings behind Jesus and found ourselves standing in a gray world filled with snowy fluff. I don't know what it was but it looked like huge piles of puff balls stuck together on the ground. The horizon was white puffs below a steel gray sky.
This world seemed lacking in people, yet it didn't feel vacant. It was as if I could feel that there was life here. So I asked Jesus.
He said, "The people are all asleep."
That seemed strange because I couldn't imagine where. Also we saw no evidence of buildings or anything else that shows evidence of civilization.
Then Jesus added something strange, he said, "Humans will never visit this world."
I picked up his words as an irony or joke, but still don't know what he meant. But I had to admit that the gray quietude of this world fit my mood perfectly.
Ok enough of silence, we next stepped onto God's World, the golden one that Jesus and I had visited before. By now I was getting restless and tired, so we didn't stay long. But Y enjoyed seeing this world because he hadn't been with us on our last visit.
We walked amid soft gold plants and a blue and light yellow sky with purple mountains in the far distance. I noticed that the golden jungle of plants was set aside from the plains where we were. Then we walked for a short time amid the thousands of golden flowers and plants. In this forest, everything is gold except for a bird that landed on a flower.
We left before long and now I sit thankful to be out of my upset feeling. Jesus has great patience with me and is smiling at me right now. He knows what will happen in the future, so I say, if Jesus is hopeful, we all can be. All is well, God is in his heaven, all is right with the world.
3/11/05
This is a warning to those who are aware of the severe battle going on in the world. If you wake up at 3:00 am in the morning, it may mean that the enemy has had their way with you either mentally or physically. I suspect many illnesses are caused by these night visits or spells or attacks. This happened to me this morning which is why I am up early writing. I couldn't get back to sleep because I was so confused and upset. I tried to meditate but it was nearly impossible. It was as if everything I believe in was turned upside down. Suddenly I felt myself experience an extreme crisis. I worked through it all by keeping my faith in Jesus and God intact.
Jesus smiled and hugged me. My friend Y came to my rescue as well. A large number of angels hugged me as a group. Their love and concern for me was amazingly beautiful. The beautiful lady stood apart in the background and smiled with her soft eyes and face. She glowed with a golden light. I think she is the female aspect of God.
Finally, I was able to draw on the light and expand it within myself and my surroundings. I felt ok again. The angels said, "You have broken away from what they did to you. It was very serious."
Yes, it was horrible. But how did they attack me? I have pondered what is going on often and how to explain it. Are we living in a dream world, a matrix apart from reality, or an illusion? Does the enemy attack in the present or direct these attacks from the future? Does the enemy use voodoo or witches spells or only its name and power? I have not been able to answer these questions definitely yet, but I can say one thing for certain: We need God's light now more than ever. If we can't get enough light to overcome the darkness, the enemy will overwhelm us in slavery. We will be doomed. The only certainty is the light from God that dispels the darkness. Pull in as much as you can with prayer and joining the circle any time of day. We must light up our world to save it.
I need to add something that can also be true. At other times, I have woken up with knowledge and wisdom that seemed to come from nowhere. I think that angels can and do whisper to us while we sleep if we are tuned in to their help. So, I don’t want to just write what ugly things can happen because much good is happening too. There have been times when the angels will explain that they whispered to me in the night when I exclaim with excitement about a new idea. “We told you.” they would tell me and I love them for it.
3/13/05
Today in church today while we sang the Lord’s prayer I was so astounded at the revelation Jesus sent me I stuttered then smiled. When we sing the prayer, everyone in church holds hands. At this specific moment, I realized that when we all hold hands it is the same as standing in a circle to hold hands. If everyone is connected, then that connection is like a very large circle, not unlike if we were all circling the church connected by hands. The prayers from church, and every type of service devoted to God flows outwards into the world and right now, our earth needs as much prayer as possible.
Yesterday at a car wash, I was standing inside and waiting for my car to get finished when a young dark man of about 20 came in and sat down. He pulled out a huge, 3” wad of money with a smaller wad of singles on top. He began counting out the money to pay for the car wash.
I saw he drove away a new model silver car. I felt great pity for that young man. He thought he had the whole value of the world in that huge wad of money; yet, he probably won’t live for five more years or he will spend most of his life in jail.
Its our own fault. We Americans teach the love of material things at every step of life that if you want to feel big, and what young man doesn’t, you need to have a lot of things that prove who you are. Pride is everything.
It is probably too late for that young man, but not too late for the 10 or 15 year olds, not if we give them a sense of price in accomplishment instead of opulence right now. An article in the Free Press about students in competition to create the best working robot was great and the right direction. We are all thankful for those who give their time helping the students.
But not all students are geared towards higher learning; yet God gave everyone some type of quality to contribute. If we keep pushing and encouraging the kids, their best qualities will prove out.
The quality that young man held in
his hand was as worthless as a puff of smoke in fire. What will he tell his God
when he stands at the gate? In church I thought about this and compared that
young man to the ones over in
A similar fault of neglect could be laid at all our feet during this war. It is up to us to find out what we are good at and contribute part of ourselves however we can. I am as guilty as anyone. I intend to try harder in the future.
3/19/05
Jesus lead Y and myself up into a tall range of mountains with snow covered peaks. We began climbing over huge boulders and through crevasses of rock until we finally reached the top. We stood there together on the top of the world and looked down at all the other peaks of snow below.
Jesus said, "Look around."
I did and saw a much higher peak nearby.
"There is always a higher peak to climb," Jesus said. "No matter what you accomplish and learn, there is always further truths in your climb towards God. The climb towards God is never ending."
Of course, I am sure Y already knows how unending the search for truth is as do I, but Jesus wanted to demonstrate to me the difficulty, perhaps so I don't get discouraged to easily.
Jesus also said, "Each step is worthy and true."
Now I knew Jesus meant my own climb. Every time I learn a new truth I begin to wonder what happened to the old idea that I believed in so strongly. As I sift ever upwards towards ultimate truth, the ones below become mist and disappear. Yet, many people are still climbing the mountain at that level. This I must always keep in mind. This search is like a walk down a road of discovery where you find countless wonders over every hill.
I said to Jesus, "But some of the truths I wrote about years ago no longer apply. What do I do?"
Jesus said, "Keep writing about your climb towards God."
I have noticed lately that Jesus seems to back away from telling me too much and seems to want me to learn my own truths. Instead of using him as a crutch, I need to step away and grow on my own. This makes great sense. We do the same with our children when they grow into adults, we step away enough to let them make their own decisions. Well, as long as Jesus doesn't step away too far, I should feel good about Jesus confidence in my ability.
But sometimes I see too much. I see how constricted and manipulated we humans truly are, at least most of us. This isn't a new thought. Most religions through the centuries have given us the same warning and advice. They have all said that we need to conquer ourselves in order to overcome the enemy. It is hard to understand how chained we are until you try to step out of the actions that hold you down. This is one of those truths I have found and I have seen a glimmer of what it could mean for the human race if we could ever overcome the hold the enemy has on us.
It would mean a free mind that is limitless. A mind that can leave earth and travel the universe, to heal other people at will, to find joy in every moment of existence, to continue growth towards wisdom, and to be a constant companion with God. We have these things as a gift from God already but don’t use them. Such a promise of grandeur and promise it is hard to visualize right now seeped as we are in darkness, but it is all there for us. All we need do is accept it.
I have seen how everything on earth belongs to God. That no one has anything they made for themselves or created out of nothing. This led me to the realization that all those people who hold and squander material goods, whether it is money, oil, homes, land, etc it is all goods that belong to every human to share because that is who God gave the earth to, all of us. So any system that keeps hold of material goods or knowledge is truly cheating other people. And the reason that these systems keeps working, is because we as nations and groups keep it viable. This has nothing to do with God. God gave it to us to use. It is for us to determine how his gift will be used.
So far on earth, very few people have achieved such a great state of mental peace and moral wisdom that they could be called blessed. Today in our modern world, and Jesus promised this to us in his own words, "Your children shall prophesy," we all have the potential to become blessed with the ability to shine the light. More, it is expected of us. It is expected that so many of us learn to shine the light, that the earth's current paradigm is turned-up-side-down. Such a thing happens infrequently in history, and we should be glad, or not, that some great change will happen in our day. Unfortunately, change drags its feet and usually causes pain too. I hope, not too much this time. I see a great light shinning through the clouds and a world of the future where we actually walk with God at our side. Where empathy is the norm because envy will be gone from our shores. This is not only my personal dream, but the goal of heaven.
3/19/05
This is high speculation about the subject of daja vu. I had a strong case of it the other night while I was buttering a hundred slices of bread with garlic at church for the play. I remembered the event of buttering the bread. I also remembered someone angry confronting me in the bathroom about something I wrote. I remember it as a severe attack against my writing. Yet, this part of the memory didn't happen. Why not?
I speculate that the angels have been trying to change events, and their attempt is working. That maybe we have lived these events before but in more dangerous times. They have told me that they are trying to save us from ourselves. I think the daja vu experiences many of us have is testament to the fact that we might be reliving our lives in a better atmosphere.
In their world, the one of horror
they told me about, the world kept moving closer to Armageddon and finally
achieved it. Hate must have been the norm, rather than the exception. Perhaps
3/20/05
Sometimes I look around and see all the causes and events as if it were a dream, but not God's. I saw that the enemy had penetrated the dream and run riot with us. I cried out to Jesus that we need to live life in God's dream, not this one.
He smiled and said, "I know."
Then I realized what his silence meant after these words; we are the ones who must change it. And we are trying, we are. All those who go to church, who grow in faith, who give of themselves, and who shine their light are giving it a good try. All these people are pushing against the envelope of darkness. Even though we can't see the light working, Jesus assures me that it is working, that our world is going to light up one day.
There is a vast difference between people's lives determined by the mind of God as opposed to the enemy who seems only able push ignorance and power. God knows everything. We can easily accept a decree from God because God knows the past and future and the cause and results of events. The enemy knows nothing and only goes on its own drives while it dreams us as slaves. God dreams us as children with great potential.
I don’t mind even if life is an illusion, just let the illusion belong to God, the creator of the universe. If I must walk in a world of dream, let it be one of light instead of darkness.
3/24/05
Just watched “The Sum of All Fears” on tape. It is a movie about a terrorist who tries to turn the United States and Russia against each other to the point of throwing nukes. As I watched the movie, an angels said, “It will not happen now.”
This was good news because there have been times when we were close to such a war. So we are safer now? I wondered why. What is it that changed to make us safe? One thing that comes quick to mind is that that every nation went on alert after 9/11. Every nation is more watchful now and less tolerant of terrorists. The war in Iraq may have also played a part in ensuring safety because from what I understood Saddam was driven towards domination. Sanity has prevailed so far. I believe we have the angels and Jesus to thank for their intervention. It is their desire to insure that what happened to them in their reality does not happen in ours.
3/27/05
I need to say something about that young lady, Terri S. who has been taken off life support. Its all the news in the papers and even the government has gotten involved. I guess I just want to add an opinion and it is this: she has a right to be left in God’s hands. Maybe she is being kept from heaven, maybe it is better to die than stay in such shape? Maybe we should let God decide her fate.
As for myself, I am almost afraid to fill out a paper saying no extraordinary means, again. The last time I did, I wound up in the hospital with a Thyroid Storm and heart attack. My family never looked or found the papers which may have been a blessing because they did put a breathing tube in me. But it wasn’t for long.
I think any of us, all we need to do is put ourselves in that young ladies place and our decision would be to let her either die or wake up. Let the choice be hers. No one, myself included, wants to be a vegetable for so many years. But the day after I wrote this I decided to rethink my position. I thought that she could be in the land of souls already, perhaps helping people or living a life we know nothing about. The same land that I have visited, a land where I spread God’s light. Maybe she has learned to help too, from that far off land where our souls reside while we walk around on earth. I mean, I think our souls are somewhere besides only within us. We may be living in the fake reality while our souls live in the real one. So if she is there, I ask her to wake up before it is too late to make a choice.
I know where I am going when I die and I ask, please don’t prevent me from joining with Jesus. We are going to travel the universe and I am going to wear a golden flower in my hair. This I know, this is what someone would be preventing if they were to prolong my life by extraordinary means.
3/28/05
I have had an accident that put me under the weather. My eye swelled up and I couldn’t write or read for a while. I am getting better now. It was a good lesson that taught me once again how valuable the little things are in life. I actually woke up wanting to do housework. It is good to be able to do it. So I say once again, thank you God for everything you have given me.
3/29/05
I watched a television program that a friend put on tape for me about our ideas of Hell though history. It was interesting, but not frightening until it began showing the black mass. At that part I turned on mute because I didn't want to hear any more excuses by such people about why they do such things as worship the devil. Later I realized that those people are just foolish, not actually evil. True evil and the people who practice it never reveal themselves for what they are; they stay hidden behind closed doors to keep their identity a secret. If we knew who they were, we would label them evil angels. They are the ones with the power to manipulate, taunt, and drive us in directions we don't wish to go.
This morning as I did my exercise, I thought about these evil ones and how they work against us to prevent greatness in the world. I was listening to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata as I exercised. He was made to go deaf, an attempt by an enemy to try and prevent his great music. He wrote music anyway. I also remember the priest crying at the end of the movie, Armadas. I cried with him and still do at the loss of Mozart. I have no doubt that the enemy or those evil angels contributed to their plights. It doesn't want anyone to raise up unless it follows their set creeds.
Jesus talked to me once about Satan. I has asked if Satan could still show a light. He told me Satan has lost the light of God and heaven by now. "There is no inner light."
It makes perfect sense that this angel would now be a creature of the dark, not the darkness of the night, but the darkness of the soul. A dark where God's light rays do not penetrate. Yet, like some other people, I hope and pray that one day even Satan will returned to God.
I have written all this and forgot what I really wanted to write about: how old fashioned most of our ideas of hell have been and still are according to the program. I could have told them a few things about hell because Jesus has taken me to a few of them. One of the worst was the place where red, bloodied bodies were joined together in their parts but in a mixed up way. I couldn't handle that one and we left right away. The other one I remember most is the well of darkness. The well was filled with soulless people (or people with dark souls) fighting and jostling to get out. Some made it but still walked in darkness. I wonder now if part of Jesus message was that they were climbing out to re-enter earth. Jesus didn't say this, it is just an idea I thought of when I read about the dead walking the earth. Maybe that is what I saw with them climbing out of the well. Don't know, and maybe I don't want to know.
I am convinced that the dark angels use the complexity of our modern society as a cover and excuse for their manipulations. People of the Middle Ages didn't know about the real possibility of other dimensions, we do. We can more easily speculate about where or in what dimension these unseen hells and heavens (seven?) exist. With the help of Jesus, I have seen the many levels interspaced upon each other like a very convoluted maze, layers mixed in with layers in an awesome figuration that went further than I could see. My view somewhat resembled the many universes theory of physics, or at least, that is the way I tried to understand the multiple actions. There was far too much for any human to visually take in; yet, such an incredible scene that I will never forget it.
So our modern science can almost tell us where hell is, if it were willing. If we consider a dark angel's ability to send their mind backwards in time, it would also explain a great amount of the wrongs perpetuated against mankind including plagues and wars. As for Jesus reference to Ghenna, a place filled with fire and brimstone, we need only look as far as the sun. Someday the sun will go nova and turn the earth to a cinder. We hope that date is still millions of years away, but don't know. Of course, we don't need to reach so far into time to find disaster, a nuclear war would create enough of a hell for everyone.
We expect God's angels to come to earth and lift up many humans so they won't face such an end. But what of those who don't get lifted up and out of the mess? I can't bare the thought that some people would be left here on a burnt earth forever. My imagination cries out in pain at such a scene. Aren’t we all related? Wouldn't those people be my brothers and sisters? Yes, and even Jesus refuses to accept this because he constantly works to show all of us the way home.
If it ever happens that the angels lift people up, that may be the last swing towards earth that God will make for a very long time, a long enough time for much suffering. It may be a matter of fact and not desire. Such a possibility is not tenable because who could enjoy the goodness of such a heaven if others are left behind?
So I hope that by the time God makes that last swing towards earth, most people will go along or already have learned how to leave earth in spirit. Then on final judgment day, the other side will only have the most hopeless of souls standing. I do believe that such a day will come, but far into the future, long enough to give everyone time enough to put on clean linen.
3/31/05
Yesterday, during meditation, as I went to different places, I noticed that the light from my center was billowing out like a tornado. I was surprised and mentioned this to Jesus.
"Look how the light flows away from me."
"You are getting stronger." He told me.
I thought about it later that day and can't figure out why the light seems brighter now. Some days the light seems feeble and weak, other days strong. What makes the difference? So today I asked Jesus why he thinks I was stronger yesterday and today.
He told me, "Faith in your ability is growing."
This was a surprise to me; I thought I had enough faith for a long time. But maybe Jesus was referring to my efforts to heal during meditation. I have been going out into the world while I meditate and asking the angels to heal certain people and children. Once the angels asked me why I always go to patients with very difficult problems like cancer. Today and yesterday, I thought it best to look for specific children with breathing problems such as asthma. With the light from God getting stronger within me it may be possible for me to help such children. I wasn't sure because even though I try during meditation, I am unable to judge if the light worked or not. It is from the Source of all things which means life, so maybe a mind or soul brightened if nothing else.
Then today Jesus told me, "Your light is strong enough to heal asthma."
This pleased me immensely. Jesus words gave me the feedback that I needed to continue with this effort. I also decided I could write these words. I don't write everything to the web that we talk about.
Jesus also suggested to me that we should begin traveling again. I agree. I need to find more positive things to write about instead of writing about hell and dark angels. I don't know why I haven’t chosen to travel more, perhaps I have been taking a long rest.
Note-I can't remember if I wrote about the baby in Texas who was taken off the respirator and allowed to die. I felt sad for that mother who believed that she could hear her baby talk to her. I know that the angels have put some babies on earth for that purpose. They explained to me later, after I read that the baby died, that it was a partial test for me too. They wanted to know if I was able to extend my empathy to the mother. I was, so I guessed I passed the test.
It seems strange to write of my agreement with angels who do tests to check on my empathic ability; yet, still feel rebellious at any hint the dark angels might check me out or turn me. The difference lays in their different intent. Certain angels believe in furthering our rise towards God, while the other side would turn us from that path.
My faith seems to grow with my determination to walk my own way. It seems that the more I am able to choose what is good for me, like diet and exercise, the more capable I become in faith. Perhaps my own courage is directly related to my cutting off the hold that has been put on me. How? I am not sure. I only know that the more I take hold of myself, the less of me the dark side can hold me.
3/31/05
A friend joked with me the other day suggesting that I was writing a bible. I joked back that I was not, but it is not a joke. I could never write such a complicated body of work. The bible has so many multiple layers within its writing that I am still amazed by it, and I have only touched its surface. Jesus has told me that I will choose to study the bible for the rest of my life. (I certainly won’t mind, I am just waiting for more time to do so.) I have found that the bible has so many different levels of understanding along with codes that need to be deciphered that it will take a life time. The bible can even be read forwards as well as backwards. I can’t imagine how any human being of normal mind could have written it. Only a genius or God. Well, we already knew that.
What I write from my own understanding and what Jesus teaches me will be useful, but it will never compare with the bible. I don’t write in codes because Jesus has said that it is time to reveal the truth. I suspect that this truth could only be brought out when humans has the ability to understand it. What did people of the first century know of ships that could travel the sky? What did they know about the powers of the mind? Science? Space? Angels? Throughout history, the truth has been hidden within symbols and illusions. Symbols are still needed, of course, but what is important is that they stay true to their meaning. I am thinking of the different aspects of God or ways of seeing God: God as male, female, creator, teacher, Source, etc. What is also important is that when we can, we should replace a symbol with factual or supposed knowledge because it helps our understanding. It is time that our knowledge increase concerning how heaven has interacted with earth through history. There is still so much to learn and know.