11/4/06
I joined in spreading the light around the world with great hope in my heart this morning because there are so many of us now. I think we grow in numbers every week. It took less than a minute to coverer the whole globe of earth with God's light. After the earth was filled with a blanket of light, I tried to share an instant of strength or hope with everyone I met. Each moment of sharing feels true, but very short. The mind is so quick that with enough skill each of us could touch hundreds of people every minute. I can only touch a few.
I tend to gravitate towards people in need, yet not everyone I float past needs help, but I think we can all use a nod of acceptance. I do this to each person as I flow past and if I see them in need, I stop long enough to give a hug of light.
One lady in
Meeting many people in a mere few minutes of time seems amazing but the mind can move instantaneously from one point to another. As we moved the light forward this morning, it seemed filled with not only peace and concern, but misty rainbows, as if a blanket of rainbow light had suddenly been released upon the world. With so many of us spreading the light, the world became an ocean of huge light waves, waves of curative power that penetrated every soul on earth/ This is a symbol for the age in which we live.
Jesus was born at the inception of the age of Pisces. He used the fish as his symbol. He called apostles to become fishers of men. Jesus elaborated on the rules God gave us, but we were still to primitive to grasp the full concepts such as love of God, neighbor and oneness (what you do for the least of my brothers, you do for me). Jesus spoke and acted out examples of what we should become one day.
Jesus carried the power of God’s light in such great abundance, that when one women touched his garment and he felt a sudden drain of power. Jesus used the power of light to heal people, walk through space/time to escape from crowds, walk on water, control storms, generate food, and perhaps most important, heal souls.
Jesus works were made prominent so that we would not forget, so that one day, we could emulate his life and teachings. Jesus accomplishments are not something we usually consider ourselves capable of achieving, but his purpose was to teach and show us the way. Jesus was first and foremost, a teacher. He is still teaching us today.
That age of Pisces is turning over to the age of Aquarius. The symbol for Aquarius is the wave. Most scholars say it will begin in 2600 but one scholar, Neil Mann, suggests Aquarius begins in 2150. The angels agree with his date. Aquarius will usher in great spirituality for humankind, a spiritual outlook we are beginning today.
Jesus is teaching us to step beyond the illusion we call reality, to step around the world and spread God’s light. The huge ocean waves of light can be considered a pre-birth of Aquarius. Waves of God’s light shine as the true water world we call earth.
Also, a water world that is truly going to flood many people out unless we change our way of life soon. Maybe we live on an earth that will someday die and we may need to escape by stepping off in spirit. Jesus once showed me worlds like this. If that is the way of all worlds, God gives us enough time in which to learn. Now we need do is begin to apply the lesson.
If we don’t apply it, it is because
those in power are afraid of loosing what they have. It is like the person who
told Jesus he had done everything right and asked what else could
he do. Jesus said, “Sell what you have and follow
11/5/06
Sunday, I sat down before church, tried to send out the light and didn't feel like I could. I panicked. Where is the light? Where is Jesus? For a short moment, I couldn't find the light or Jesus. I felt suddenly blinded. My fear lasted for a second because very soon Jesus stood at my right side.
“Don’t worry.” He said.
I smiled. “Of course not.”
I thought of how stupid I was for that single moment of fear. Jesus has said he will always be with us. How could I forget that? He stands next to every one of us, but how many people dare to see his presence or listen to him speak? Not as many as should. He has kept his promise, now we must keep up our end which means to stay faithful to the precept he gave us--Love God with everything we have and love our neighbor as ourselves.
When I got to church and heard the first reading, Hebrews 7:23-28
Heb 7:23 And on the one hand many have become
priests because they are being prevented by death from continuing, [alt]
Heb 7:24 on the other hand the One because of
His remaining into the age [fig., forever] has the priesthood
permanently. {alt}
I
realized that Jesus had given me a demonstration of the promise before church.
“I will be with you always, even to the ends of the age.” It felt
like bright daylight had just shone through black storm clouds, my body felt
chills at the realization that Jesus had reenacted the reading in church.
He has done similar things before and it always surprises me. Silly of me, but
I certainly got the message this time. Jesus is ever the effective teacher.
There was also much food for thought in the gospel today. A man answered Jesus that he loved God with his whole self and his neighbors as himself.
Jesus then
said to him, "You are not far from the
I used to
think this meant that if the man kept going at that same pace towards God, he would be sent to heaven after he died. Now I know different.
What Jesus really said was that if we can find the wisdom to truly love God
with your whole self, we will have already reached the
In his
sermon, Father Thomas once more mentioned the tragedy in the Amish community a
month ago and how they reacted by forgiving and reaching out in love. They
stood with the wife at the killer's funeral and shared funds with her. As he
spoke of it, tears slowly filled my eyes at such beauty. The Amish people are
proof that true love is possible even on this earth,
they have already found the
I haven’t traveled for a while, but Jesus tells me, “You will soon.”
He explained it this way: It is like a baby learning how to walk. For every three steps forward, they take two back.
Yes, I agree. I retreated after great fanfare, but will get back to the essence of things soon.
11/10/06
I was looking up Aquarius yesterday in Wakipedia and there was a list of wars that humans have fought over the years. I couldn’t believe it. The list takes up twenty pages and since the year 1 AD we humans have fought more than five hundred wars, (511 wars not counting the many sub wars labeled with letters). Has there ever been a time when humanity was not at war some place on the planet?
Has the whole globe of earth ever been at peace? Not since the garden? Not since we lost something in that mythic garden. A far out concept, but I suspect that a part of our genetic code was changed or damaged during that time, the part that allowed us to know one another. The damage (by eating the apple or …?) closed off our minds from each other. This is actually implied in Genesis.
The result is that now we can’t tell if our neighbor is a liar. From this lack of awareness springs all our wars and strife. And the enemy who caused this defect? That snake (an enemy so much with us it seems almost a part of ourselves now) has played on those base fears ever since.
Too far out? Then maybe it is just the darkness that hides our real worth and talents. At least that idea would make the defect easer to overcome. Or our genes are slowly reverting back to the way God intended? Or I should stop speculating because I get nowhere. Ha, probably the best course. I would ask Jesus, but he will make me search out the truth myself anyway.
11/11/06
One of the things that amazes me about our trek around the world each Saturday is that it doesn’t need a leader. It begins at any time and stays full until earth is covered in the inner light of God. If people are lacking in any one spot, angels fill in where they are needed. Day or night, when one of us chooses to send out the light, the angels stand with the person and double the effort.
I don't think I began this movement. It was probably going on for years and I just stumbled into it and began to write. The beauty of our circle of light around the word is that no one is higher or lower than anyone else—it is probably the only time all of us are true equals.
The huge wave we pushed around the earth this morning was higher than the tallest building, so high that a few whales and dolphins followed and stayed with us as we walked it around the circumference of the world. I imagine that whales have been using their minds in this manner for a long while and are glad that we humans are finally joining in the awareness of oneness.
Actually, I am not sure what to
call it. I only know that God's light energy flows out of us as we cover
multiple miles in every stride. The people we meet often join us in the walk
with their own light. It doesn't matter what the people are doing. I usually
sit in a comfortable chair but they could be doing business, taking care of the
baby, or working in a field when they take note of the movement of light. No
matter, their minds join in the march through
This is where the huge wave
completed itself, over the
I stepped into the Cathedral of Light and went to Mary’s bench to sit amid the roses. A large, older man was already sitting on the bench. He picked a deep red rose and left with a smile on his face. I sat down on the bench for a moment. I plucked a bright yellow rose from the bush as I stood to resume my walk within the light. I thanked Mary deeply. She always fills my soul with pleasure.
As I roamed with my mind to search for people to hug, I was reminded of the documentary movie I watched recently, Baraka, Besides being a great work of visual art, this movie seemed to catch people at odd moments of prayer or ordinary life movement just as I do during our Saturday walk around the world. It is as if the photographer had followed me with his camera with one Saturday. Baraka seemed like an hour and a half visual prayer and celebration of life. The movie has no spoken words and needs none. It's connections are visual, such as the flock of birds and the flock of humans. Sorry I missed it about ten years ago when it was at the movie theaters.
11/12/06
In church this morning I started thinking again about the lesson the Amish taught us. I remembered writing that it would be too challenging at this time to shuck off all the technology I use every day, but on reflection, I realized that it isn’t necessarily their refusal to use technology that gives them such a forgiving and prayerful manner, although it probably helps and might be a first step for many technophiles if they wanted to get rid of their reliance on modern equipment.
Remembering that I have been to a number of heaven or God worlds where technology is still used, I pondered the difference. Perhaps the difference is that the Amish don’t let technology use them. As a child on Shamballa I had a computer that was constantly on my person, yet, I didn’t need to use it all the time. I remember helping a dark skinned man at the waterwheel, but now that I think about it, I think he ran the waterwheel for pleasure, not work. I was told that harvest time on Shamballa is truly enjoyable and I think they have a number of harvests a year. The people there use technology, but only as an aid, not a way of life.
Their world compares to ours like apples vs. oranges or day vs. night. On heaven worlds, it is as if God’s hand is constantly wrapped around and within every soul on the planet. Imagine a globe glowing with so much inner psychic light it glows. Compare that to earth that seems in continual shadow. For even God to penetrate this shadow like a lightening bolt would take effort, I think.
The reading
today reminded me of this idea. Elijah asked for food from a
women who was almost starving, but she fed him. From that day on, her
jar of flour stayed full until it wasn't needed. This
same thing happened in
God constantly renews this miracle of grain or rice. Imagine how hard this effort must be as God penetrates the psychic murkiness of our dark skies to keep a beam of energy pointed towards those small bowls. God’s light not only heals but also creates and the creation is constantly ongoing.
Can we ever lift this veil of dark ignorance. I am reminded of the many gifts Jesus demonstrated for us. Jesus had great power that overcome the darkness. All the abilities he showed us are possible on a world that is full of light. He has shown me New Earth where all the people have some kind of special ability but are considered normal. Their ability or talent comes from living on a world filled with God. Contrarily, we can surmise that this psychic darkness is what prevents us from walking on water, healing people, casting out demons, controlling storms, and knowing one another, among other talents. Darkness equates to illusion and ignorance. The more we can lift this yolk off us, the closer to God we become or the more God will become us.
11/14/06
I was thinking this morning of the world wide web as an example of freedom. It seems to me that it involves a freedom unmet by any other social system we have. The reason for this may be because it is not based on money, though some groups have gotten rich off it. I remembered why I first decided to put Jesus' words on my web page. I wrote a book describing our travels, and was going to write a sequel, but then thought better of it. I reasoned that if Jesus advise was good for me, it was good for everyone. I asked myself if I had the right to beg people to buy words that I get from Jesus for free, although, I often work hard to get at the nugget of his message.
It seems to me that the world wide web can help show up the insufficiency of the money system we use on earth. I think future generations will stop using money for this reason, (they don't use money on Star Trek) ha.
Out money system is defective because we need to be paid for the work we do. We haven’t discovered another means of support the population. This makes me think of the book I just wrote and put on the web, "The Only Way," free for anyone who chooses to read it. I believe it is my masterpiece. I am quite proud of it. I may write better in the future, and call that my masterpiece, but for now, I feel good and accomplished even though I did not make any money on the book. I am not saying this is ideal, just that lack of payment does not detract from my pleasure.
The book should have been published in the ordinary manner to receive payment for the work I put into it, but this time, I didn’t even send it to publishers because I knew it was futile. I have a devil on my back who is determined to keep me down. I couldn't go through it, so I went around the wall, the best I knew how.
Yet, I feel just as much pride for having written the book as I could making a great amount of money from it. Sure, I need money, but my lack doesn’t detract from the pleasure of having written a good book.
Imagine what kind of earth we would have if everyone were supplied with their needs so only worked for the pleasure of working. This is what they do on the heaven worlds. Inventers wouldn’t need to own or copyright their inventions, they would gladly give them away free. Writers and artists would not need to scratch out a living on their work but would share it freely. Thinkers would still think, schooling would still go on, people would still labor because labor is a reward in itself. Well, maybe businessmen, money changers and financiers would be obsolete, but with their creative power of personality, I am sure they'd mannage to fit in somewhere.
It certainly is not going to happen any time soon, but the idea points out how upside-down our earth is compared to the ideal. It means that we are still very primitive in outlook and still have far to grow.
The more I visited those heaven worlds, the more I compare them with our own, and feel ashamed at our ignorance. I wouldn’t know how to turn it around, but I suspect that we are damaging our own nest so badly, it will be turned around for us. Disasters are in the making all around the earth. We have created these disasters and don’t know how to un-create them. If we survive from underneath these coming disasters with our normal human verve for life, we will come out charged and determined to build a different kind of system on earth. Life has a way of teaching its lessons, whether we want to listen or not.
11/17/06
Jesus has been telling me that we should start traveling again, so tonight we did. We walked through the sky tunnel and as we walked Jesus commented on the changes since the children began coming to the tunnel. I laughed and agreed that it was because of them that it was no longer a tunnel so much as a bridge into the sky. The little kids don’t even care if they go anyplace, it is enough to them to come in and look down, so I haven't been taking them recently. They have so much to see on television that walking in the sky seems like just another moment in their day. I smiled as I told Jesus that the sky bridge (I should begin calling it a bridge instead of a tunnel) can't compete with cartoon land.
Jesus and I walked past the many vines, huge open areas, and birds of the Sky-Bridge and reached the other end. Jesus led the way and I followed behind him as we stepped out onto a totally white landscape.
Powdery snow was blowing here and there in small puffs and eddies around us. At first I wondered if we had come back to that strange land where the velvet black people live, but their land is flat because they do most of their living below the surface. This land rose up into the sky in steep hills with many sharp, white edges.
Jesus said, “We are going inside. Get ready for a shock.”
We walked through a wall in the snow covered rock and entered a huge, gray cavern filled with a multitude of people, not walking or running, but more or less, lounging around as if listless. My impression was that they were wild people because of their hair, but this wasn’t strictly true. They were thin but not acting crazy or wild. Most of the people sat or lay on ledges set around the circumference of the cave. Their arms and legs were bare. Perhaps it wasn't cold inside the cave because of the scattered fires. There was a dark tunnel leading away from this first cave and Jesus and I walked into its dark maw.
Here we found even more people sitting and laying around. Some were walking but with no obvious purpose. I didn’t see any very young children, only a few youngish women. I watched as some people were handed a small amount of food and they grabbed it as if they were starving. Many more reached for it but didn’t get it, as if it were the spoils left over from some person of royalty.
I think they did have a cruel dictator was because I didn’t like the feeling I got inside the cave. I felt it was dirty, ugly, and hostile, as if everyone was living the law of the jungle and ready to cut each other’s throat for a bit to eat. Yet, even with the hostile feelings that permeated the cave, I only saw a few skirmishes.
Jesus said, “These people will not last long. They are dying.”
“I don’t like it here and don’t want to stay. Can we go someplace else?”
“Yes, I have someplace else to take you.”
I now realized why I felt so uneasy. “This is earth, isn’t it?” I asked.
He nodded as we left and stood once more on top of the thick snow. He led me to another place on earth, far away from the first cavern, to a very high mountain. I cringed as we entered another cavern, but here the atmosphere was vastly different from the first one and I felt the change right away.
Business seemed to rule the cavern. Many people were smiling as they worked. Some kind of mechanical machine was running in the far corner attended by many people. I saw steel arms stretch up and twist fabric, so maybe it was making cloth. People were gathered around a number of busy centers scattered around the huge cavern.
After my experience in the first cave, I was surprised to see children scampering around here. One child ran to a workstation, handed something over to a thin man who lifted up to receive it, then the child ran back the way it had come. I suspect the child was doing a job just like everyone seemed to be doing here. I felt a bustle of energy permeate the whole of the cavern, made colorful by various hangings on this side.
I couldn't see the other side easily because the cavern was so huge, I think it filled a mountain. Maybe they enlarged it after they entered and began to live here. So many people, but they were all doing weaving or pottery at different centers or other odd jobs. Nothing seemed repetitive or dull, more like simple and laid back while busy.
We walked among the people for a while and then into a side cavern. Here the people were growing plants under strong lighting fixtures. A vast number of large greenhouses were lined up in this cavern with a few people walking down the isles and attending to the plants as needed.
What amazed me the most was the contrast between this cave and the last one we visited. I was sure Jesus did this intentionally as a teaching tool. The difference had been so staggering I had to ask what made the difference.
"What made the difference between the two?" I asked Jesus.
He smiled with his knowing, wry look. “The difference is in sharing.”
Jesus explained to me that the people in this second cavern use a democratic system for sharing everything they make. Even though their circumstances have been so dire as to be close to death, they chose to follow a spiritual path that tried to keep every single person alive and healthy.
In the first cave they chose a leader to direct them, a leader who gets the first pick and therefore the most spoils which finally degraded the system into one of privilege for the few. Status and standing in the group determines what the rest of the people get.
The idea he just showed me reminded me of primitive systems where everyone pays homage to the big boss, just the opposite of what it means to evolve socially. Then I realized it showed something else, most of the earth systems we live by even today, yet, these people are not of today.
I looked at Jesus questionably.
Jesus explained that on earth at this time, many groups are stranded and live apart in caves. Some groups will live and some will not according to their social system and resources. It is a seriously bad time for humanity, a time with circumstances driven from what went before.
“Is this when you picked up the remnant of people that is mentioned in Revelation?" I asked.
“No, that comes a very long time later.”
“When did this happen, all this snow.”
“I can’t tell you the year because these people, even the people in the second cave have lost the number of years ”
I am amazed at this. As far as I know, our earth is heating up, not growing colder. Although, in the recent movie set in earth's future (forgot the name of the movie) about coming weather, it showed the northern continents frozen in glaciers because the ocean currents had changed, hard to imagine right now during this pleasant winter. I have been told that this year may have the hottest winter ever.
In all, it was a frightening visit. I am sure we will go someplace besides earth next time. In fact, I felt so bad about this visit, I told Jesus I didn't want to write about it.
"It is too doomsdayish I told him."
Jesus said, "I will be good to write it."
So here it is. I can say that Jesus has said many times that the future is a potential waiting to happen, not set in cement. It is up to us to make sure that this scenario never occurs. As Jesus has also said many times, "We must do it ourselves."
11/19/06
I went to a
church that my daughter-in-law goes to on Sunday,
Pastor Pape gave a good sermon about how Jesus words will be with us forever. He asked us to think about which words of Jesus we want to see last forever. He said that his own favorite was when Jesus said that, 'Because I came, you will live.'
I am
embarrassed to write that I was also surprised at his reference to
The pastor also told a story about Benjamin Franklin that I forgot the exact story, but it implied that all of us tend to give value to material things of little value just because other people value it when we should be valuing heart and spirit.
The choir sang beautiful, soft songs throughout the service and my granddaughter overcame her novice nerves, and carried the huge candle to the back of the church at its end. She did a fine job. In all, I felt very pleased with the church and welcomed.
It won't surprise anyone who knows me that my interest perked up to a high pitch during the reading of Daniel 7:9-10.
At the words, “his throne was flaming with fire, “I had a strong image of God coming to earth with all the rockets blazing and fire coming from the front of many ships as they were about to land. God’s Armanda of worlds is on its way to earth. It will arrive sometime in earth’s future, a long or short time from now, who can say, but I believe scouts are here already. Seriously, we need to get ready for God.
11/19/06
I was surprised by an article I read in Time Magazine about many young girls entering convents to become Catholic nuns. It was an interesting article, but it shouldn’t have surprised me. Jesus told me years ago that more people would choose to live a secluded or spiritual life, much as they did during the middle ages. I guess that time is beginning.
The article said that these young girls had decided to opt out of the world because of its constant drive for--sex, money and power.
How wise these young people are. Perhaps a convent or rectory is the only way to get away from all this that drives us to distraction or, at least, further away from God. We are lemmings driving ourselves towards the sea. People seem constantly pushed towards becoming the biggest or richest or most powerful. It is not God doing the pushing. If anyone thinks that God has the reins of the world, they need to stop, open their eyes, and take a good look around. Though, God will have the ultimate say, that, we can be sure of.
11/25/06
I had a hard time staying in focus this morning during meditation. I kept drifting off for short moments, but this is normal for those of us who are not trained in focusing our minds like monks and holy religious people who often spend a life time in training.
This morning we met on a mountain with bare rock rising up out of the snow. We were so high up the clouds scattered past below us. In fact, as I stood near the edge with Jesus as he pointed out the world below in wide panorama view, as there was a specific message to be found there. But he didn’t comment on why we looked down on the earth for such a long moment. I believe he was demonstrating concern for all with his gesture of pointing his arm to take in the whole sweep of the land.
When I
rejoined the group, I saw a new, familiar face which
pleased me along with Y and W who usually join in the meeting. One lady joined us who had visited off and on before, but this
time she stayed. As a large group, we sat on huge rocks while we centered our
attention on Jesus and any one else who wished to comment. It went quickly
because the talk wasn’t so much made of speech as it
was a consensus of understanding that swiftly rolled around the group.
Suddenly, all of us understood that the decision was that we begin this days meditation in
As we walked around the earth, each of us found people who joined us or needed the light. When one of us found an intense problem we gathered as a small group to share the light with that needy individual. A few of us who meet on the mountain are greatly skilled at this kind of sharing and can be in two places at once, just as Jesus can be in many numerous places at once. This ability is still far beyond me.
Each of us found many people to
send light to and hug. I went specifically to certain areas in Africa,
One group I met were young boys with pointed hair and a tough stride. I told the group to cool it down and surrounded them with light. Of course, they didn’t hear me, but did they feel the blast of light I tried to send them> In this case I didn’t see evidence good results, but there is always hope.
All around the world I repeated this same phrase, “Love is the only way.”
I still think I have a lot to learn about focusing. I find I am not concentrating on each person long enough. I tend towards flightiness. I need to do better.
While I was in the west, I went to
the
One of them said to me, “Don’t worry. We go with you.”
I felt greatly pleased when he sang phrases of a religious chant for me.
His song reminded of how much I still want to buy a cd with American Indian chants. I believe that they like to go their own way. They join us, but quietly as they sing their own cries to heaven. I concern myself with people in distress, but I believe their greatest concern is with the plight of the earth and how we humans are causing severe damaging to it.
I stopped my meditation after twenty minutes so I could write it down before I forgot. I try to remember throughout the week to send out the light too. Jesus and the angels always help. This is necessary because I am told that a lot of dark is sent my way in an attempt to make me stumble. This may be what interferes with my concentration. With heaven’s help, I wade through the trough of dark and reach towards the light.
11/26/06
I went to
As soon as I walked into the church, the orchestra boomed loud, enjoyable sounds that filled the church. I was a half hour early for mass so this surprised and pleased me. Truly the music, the whole mass was Grand, grand and interestingly different because the priest had his back to us, I couldn’t follow most of the Latin responses although the people in back of me made up for my loss, there was too much kneeling, and I had to kneel to receive communion, but the Latin words soothed my soul and the music carried me aloft. What more could one ask?
The church itself couldn’t be called magnificent with its aura of middle age, Gothic, but with a plainness that reminded me of Our Lady of Lourdes church in River Rouge, where I grew up. Probably, the flavor of old was enhanced by the sound of chants from male voices that saturated the whole church and people in monastery like sounds.
I loved the atmosphere of old tradition that filled the church walls so nicely, but I intend to visit the church again during a regular mass. I was disappointed that we didn’t gather together, with hands held or raised, to sing the Lords prayer. When the people in church hold hands to pray, it is the same as the circle of light with God expanding from the center. I often feel the wave of light flow over the people during times like this. Most modern church services are less standoffish then mass used to be, which shouldn’t have surprised me.
I thought as I listened to the chants on how wonderful all this was, but also how lucky we are that it changed. If all churches had to follow the same script and style imagine how stilted, stylized and stubborn the mass could become, which it did once long ago. Now we have variety with new, old and in-between.
I went for coffee after mass and
asked where the Grotto was located. I didn’t want to leave the church this
morning without visiting it. The Grotto is at the end of a long walkway through
the cemetery. As I walked down the path between large, sometimes colorful,
marble tombstones scattered amid flower bouquets, I wondered what the grotto
would look like. I remembered the one long ago in the vestibule at
This day, I at first saw huge rocks
in a circle with plants, then around a circle was a statue of an angel and
Bernadette of
As I took a step closer, I began to quiver. Right away, I felt Mary’s presence. She was inside of me, all around me, penetrating my mind with her love and glowing presence. I felt holy, as if some of her majestic beauty had rubbed off onto me. I cried, and then ashamed of the tears, I sniffed my leaky nose and blinked them away. By now, totally, awed, I sat in front of the grotto for a short while. I have, at times, felt a similar awed awareness of Mary when I sit near her statue amid the roses in the Cathedral of Light the angels built; and once when Mary touched me on the shoulder in church.
I walked away from the shrine with tears in my eyes, but a with a goal, a request from Mary. This is the road she would have me take, this the path. She also made a promise to me as I left that I will not relate here because it is personal.
I saved writing about the sermon for last because I want to add an experience to it because it gave me much food for thought. The priest, it could have been the assistant pastor, Rev. John Bustomarite, spoke about pride and how Jesus takes us step by step past pride as we learn throughout life. He mentioned that friends can sometimes help us learn by pointing out flaws we don’t usually see in ourselves.
As he spoke, I remembered what a friend did for me this Thanksgiving by pointing out that I had been too abrupt with my answer during a conversation that included my granddaughter. He was right. She mentioned about corn as bio-fuels and that they would help the environment. I suddenly said, ‘Yes, but…”. I always counter what ever is said with my usual strand of argumentative blah. It is a bad habit that I need to brake. I feel bad about it now, even though she may not have noticed my abrupt statement.
So I came away from church this morning with many gifts, a message from Mary and a reminder to think more of people’s feelings than I do of the argument in hand. Another gift was a confirmation of the value of the play I wrote during the reading of the gosple. Jesus words in today’s gospel, John 18: 33-37 forms the rational base for the play.
In 18: 36-37 Jesus answers Pilate
that his kingdom is not of this world and that “For this I have been born, and
for this I come into the world, so that I should testify to the truth. My play
“Tears in
11/27/06
Lately, and interesting from a psychological perspective, I have begun to think of church and its community as an umbrella against the fall of evil rain, a place of refuge, a protection from what drives the world beyond the church’s domed or pointed spires. This is new thinking for me and I am amazed at the concept, an old, very used one I am sure, just one I have not considered before.
I have never been a churchy person because I dislike the organizational aspects of religion; so, usually independent, I went my own way. When I was a foster mother and later when neighborhood children visited me for art and games, I did it without affiliation to a church, although I went every Sunday. I did it on a personal bases because I wanted to give children what I could. Yet, I always loved the church. When I was a young mother going through a few serious problems, I would often yearn to walk into a dark, empty church, sit down, and have a long visit with Jesus. I did manage to do this once or twice when I lived in the city, but then they started locking up the churches around the nation.
So now it amazes me that I am coming to the conclusion that church is not only a place for prayer and social interaction, but also a place to ward off evil. We will be needing this protection more and more as things tighten up in the world, as our heart and souls are pulled to one camp or the other. The division will become acute and dangerous. We will all need to affiliate ourselves with a strong church body to keep our souls clean.
What I really wanted to write about this morning is why I write so differently about Jesus then might be expected. It may be because I have never really sunk deeply into the church or its language. A too soppy or churchy writing sends me running fast the other way. Church terminology that is too praiseful is boring and uninteresting. Proof of the lack in this type of writing is how our minds drift away and tend to wonder during one of these long prayers. I suspect many people feel the same way. I have listened to nice CD’s spoken by priests that didn’t sound preachy; so, I know it is possible to give a good message with normal language.
Jesus respects the way I write. He likes the fact that I bring him down to earth in every day language. I write of him as I would write of anyone, abet with a few extra talents. I try to show his character, teachings, and laughter through our conversations.
I try to write about Mary in down to earth terms too. I don’t need to constantly call her Queen of Heaven, Immaculate Conception, Glorious Mother, Mother of God, even though she has all of these attributes, because anyone who reads what I write already knows of Mary. Just writing her name is enough. Mary likes the way I write too.
Yet, I admit that I find it hard to bring Mary down to earth. I have wondered about the reason for this. Is it because of her myth-like quality, her constant miracles on our behalf, her ability to be present for so many, or her mothering attitude. She truly stands beside God in dignity and splendor. Even so, as majestic as she truly is, she always reaches down to give us hope.
She gives us miraculous signs of her presence such as dripping oil, blood or tears, or visions in the sky of her holding a child. But I believe that these visions from Mary need a portion of our own faith too, as if our own faith will open the portal to heaven to allow the miracle to shine through. In our darkened world, grand miracles are blocked and we need them so badly in today’s world. I can only hope my writing helps. Jesus tells me it does, so I will continue.
11/27/06
One of the most astounding events of my life occurred when I went to my first Legion of Mary meeting. The meeting itself is secret, so I would never write about any of its business concerns. All I can write about is what I personally felt and witnessed.
What happened caught me so off balance, I couldn’t wait to leave the meeting at its end, run to my car, and let the tears fall. Had the other people noticed my teary eyes? I don't think so because I kept blinking them back. I think I managed to act as if the meeting was normal. It wasn't—Mary, the Queen of Heaven came to the meeting too.
As soon as the rosary began, Mary stood slightly to the front and right of where I sat. I kept blinking, as if I needed to clear my vision, but Mary stayed. She startled me by staying long after the rosary was said, into the spoken prayers, and even during part of the business end of the meeting.
I kept glancing over at other people to see if they had noticed her presence. They didn't seem to have noticed anything out of the ordinary. Later that night, Jesus told me that each of the people in the room had been called to Mary in their own way, either with an auditory, visual, or heart tugging signal to work for Mary on earth. And now I had been called too.
I have seen Mary before, perhaps even in detail and splendor, but never for so long a time. This night Mary seemed indistinct, almost like a mist of flower blossoms in glowing air, beautiful, holy image barley detectable, but overwhelmingly present. She penetrated my soul to fill it with such wonder; I would have gasped if I hadn’t been surrounded by other people. If Mary had appeared for a short second, it would have seemed fitting and normal, but this visit lasted about twenty to thirty minutes. Never had I seen Mary or even Jesus for so long a time before. This signified an omen of great importance. I wanted to cry with joy, but dared not for fear that the others would think I was strange.
While I mumbled the rosary, I kept asking Mary, "What can I do? What can I do?
I meant, of course, what am I doing here and what do you want me to do? But in part, I also meant the question, what can I do about this catholic habit of reading so many long prayers. My preference is to let prayers pour out from my own heart, not someone else’s. Yet, in a group, to keep everyone on the same mental link, it is probably necessary to read printed prayers, and sometimes it might be hard to bring out words from our hearts. I know I could never be a preacher for that reason.
Well, one thing about reading prayers, it gives a person a lot of time to let the mind wander, think about daily problems, or talk to Jesus. This evening I was grateful that the prayers were read because it gave me time to talk with Mary.
At one point, I dared to gulp down my awe of her to ask, “Why do you want us to say the rosary?”
What I was really asking was what kind of good does the rosary actually do? How can I explain to people that they need to say the rosary; because, after this night, I knew I would say these holy prayers forever? I have heard people say that it is just a routine mumbling of prayer, that the meaning of the words are forgotten after a few minutes.
Mary understood my meaning.
Mary didn't answer in words, but suddenly I knew the answer like a flash through my mind. Mary begs us to say the rosary because the rosary spreads light in great abundance around the people saying it and fills the whole area with the essence of God. The words of the rosary, even thoughtlessly mumbled, even to oneself, even without heart, has the power to banish the darkness. Mary had imbued the rosary this power. The rosary intensifies the holiness and godliness in the world as it pushes the dark away. This grace given by Mary fights against the evil that surrounds us. It is her foot on the serpent.
Never before, has Mary stayed so visible to me for so long and I suspect that this was because of the other people in that room, that perhaps our collected love created an aura in which she could more easily appear. Also, there was a subtle, personal meaning implied in her continued presence, a implication that instilled in me the importance of this meeting and my participation within it.
I am ashamed to admit that for the last few years I have neglected to say the rosary as I once did. I won't ever let this happen again, not now that I know how deeply Mary wants us to say the rosary. She truly begs us to say the rosary. I intend to say at least one rosary a day for the rest of my life. I have also found that when I send out the light and say the rosary at the same time, the light seems brighter and more effective. I will do so from now on. Last night, Tuesday, I fell asleep saying Hail Mary's. I hope to do this every night from now on.
Jesus has told me that Mary will be calling more and more people to her. They will be solders who fight for God. I believe that we will finally break the serpents back and then begin to build heaven on earth—one where lions lay down with lambs.