2/2/08
I am
worried about democracy in
At the same time, we little people at the bottom and middle are delighted to get a 500 to 600 hundred handout from the government so the economy can roll forward. This assumes that that each of us will spend our tiny bit of profit in a splurge of spending. At the same time, Mobil’s gigantic profit is going where? I would guess not into the infrastructure or back into the business or on a buying spree at Kmart’s. So what’s the point of it all?
And has anyone noticed who won’t be getting that hand out of tiny little profit? No one in the legislature of the House will qualify because they all make more money than the cut off amount. The Senate may decide to fix that little problem by decreeing that the tiny profit should go to the rich folks too, this becomes more palatable by way of including the unemployed and fixed income people the house forgot. Then representatives in both houses will be entitled to their chump change.
Yes, I pray often and pour out God’s golden honey of love onto the world, but I feel spurned and dirtied when I let my thoughts roam into certain avenues of high human failure. Failure of the system to handle run away profit, failure of the nation to come to grips with their own excess, failure of all of us to complain about the wrongness of that excess.
Certainly I will continue to pray
but don’t be surprised if an abundance of God’s love also brings on a wave of
holy justice, perhaps the kind we least imagine or expect. I mean, what if God spread the earth’s wealth around to
every human? Where would we stand beneath such a justice? Would we become like
the people in
It seems that such excessive profit from our need for gas is a sign of serious abuse, and probably just the tip of the iceberg, many other examples abound. Such abuse needs to be looked at by government and then corrected, if not by legal means then by shame.
2/3/08
Jesus told me a few days ago that I would have something to write about Sunday. He was right, as usual. The Epistle for the day was Paul to the1st Corinthians. His famous, elegant, and insightful writing on love I remember writing a good piece about this same Epistle a few years ago, but can’t remember the exact date. I have built up seven years of Raw Notes which would be a maze to crawl through for a minor search. Better to just keep moving on.
What bothered me then and still bothers me is our notions about the word love. The word love is so reduced and watered down by our culture that it has lost its punch. At times, I find it necessary for my own life to give love a jolt of energy. I am as guilty as anyone for forgetting to love. I am not above gossiping about the Mayor, or commenting about someone else’s bad habit. Over concern for other people’s failings is a slippery slope that is the most easy for me to slide down, and I suspect for most of us. I have slid down and plopped myself in the bottom mud lately.
I am ashamed and intend to correct myself, but I wonder why Jesus didn't warn me. He often does. My fault was minor and I can smile because sometimes I think Jesus lets me fail just so I can write about it. I do have Jesus and others who help me stay on the straight path. My learned and well trained friends have proved to be a desperately needed and very valuable resource. It is easy for any of us to step off the path for a minute, but if we can get back on quickly, all is well.
So now for love. What exactly is love? Or what should it be in today’s world? I believe love’s highest attribute is empathy. Empathy is that feeling of being inside the other person’s shoes. A glimmer of empathy might be necessary in order to feel charitable, in order to truly give of oneself, in order to suffer for the sake of the many as Jesus did.
Interestingly, I listened to a CD [1] on Neitzsche yesterday. He is known for his acrimonious tongue. He lambasted the Christian religion and said Jesus was too weak and innocent. Yet at the end of the lecture, Robinson reports that just before his death Neizsche, went up to a severely abused horse and hugged it. After all his harsh words about religion, here was this man imitating Jesus by feeling the severe pain of another life so greatly as to sob over it. I imagined as I listened that, if nothing else in his life did, that one, last act, got him into heaven.
Empathy is everything. It is so important that Jesus told me to hug a starving baby once a month. Jesus knows me and what will pull on my heart strings. To me, that such a tiny bundle who didn’t ask to be born in the first place cries and goes hungry is unbearable. His advise keeps me knowing my place, keeps me in touch with giving love and feeling love, keeps me in empathy.
That I need such a reminder, I who has traveled with Jesus and talk to him often, says a great deal about the darkness that can so easily penetrate any soul. We all need a shot in the arm of love once in a while. I will spend my Lent remembering to spread random acts of kindness where ever I can. I owe it to myself. I owe it to heaven.
2/4/08
Woke up a little after 3 am and couldn’t get back to sleep. Finally, I gave in, got up, and listened to the rosary while I meditated. As I joined with angels and other people in spreading the God’s energy, I was struck with the notion of how inadequate human knowledge can be regarding ourselves. When I go to an individual with prayer I don’t know what that person needs. Even if I know the person from our everyday world, it doesn't give me much of a clue as to the real person or what his or her soul needs.
All of us have holes and cracks that need to be filled and patched. We are like pot-holes that spring up after a thaw, we need to be attended to once in a while. We tend to pray for specific kinds of help for people we know. This changes when you pray while spreading the light. Sense you are filled with God, you trust in God to know where the person's cracks are that need filling.
The light that comes directly from God is the purest form of energy, the same energy that gave us birth, the same energy that revitalizes this world every moment. It will be our salvation. I am learning to ask nothing during prayer, but to just let the light flow into every crack or crevice.
I suspect that when a tremendous amount of God's light enters a person, and it must be that even the darkest person carries at least a spark of that light, their soul is given the most perfect nourishment possible. I think God's light moves us towards a purity of form, perhaps towards that universal being we are meant to become one day.
I had the odd notion the other day as I meditated and walked in God’s golden light with Jesus that all of us on earth are here because we have chosen not to reside with God. That we have picked this dark place to live in stead of stepping through the open doors of heaven. I didn’t ask Jesus about this at the time. It seemed too far fetched, but in some basic way, maybe the idea holds an element of truth. Not sure how. Did we choose to be born? To work out our soul's salvation as a darkling on earth? Life feels involuntary, but who can say? I laugh at the idea because I want to yell, "If I chose this, let me out." Like the song, "Stop the world, I want to get off."
2/8/08
We should all applaud Oprah Winfrey. She seems cursed with money; yet, she remains a good role model for other people with that same, peculiar problem. I suspect that the more she makes, the more she gets, and the more she gives away. She has been commended for donating to needy causes ever since she began accumulating so much of the green stuff. Good for her.
Now I see
on television ads that she intends to have a contest that will challenge other
people to give money away too. What a brilliant idea. What a turn around to the
usual state of mind. What a gift this brings to the psyche of
2/9/08
This Saturday morning we gathered on the mountain as usual, greeted each other, and then, each of us stepped up to God and basked in his golden light. Those of us who experienced the liquid gold for the first time were amazed with wonder. Being totally enwrapped in God’s light gives one a feeling of bliss and completeness.
With God filling every bone, sinew, nerve and cell inside our bodies, we brought the light back to earth and spread it around until the whole earth was covered. Then each of us went to where we felt we could do the most good.
I along with many others, I sent
liquid light into
Once or twice, I needed to step back up to bask in God’s essence and refresh myself with greater energy, but my focus stayed steady and powerful during most of the rosary. I felt determined to share God's pure love with everyone.
I sent my mind below ground to the center of the earth and weaved the light upwards. I imagined myself as sending God’s golden touch through the roots of all the flowering plants and wooded trees and into all the biological life on the planet. I dreamed the whole entwined biomass and structure of earth that holds us together aglow in light.
We went
into caverns around
Are the caverns and people real? It felt real, but I can’t say for sure. I do know that God's light is good for everyone. I suspect that praying for people in earth's future is similar to praying for people in purgatory; both are unseen, speculative, and in great need of prayer. We may never know the exact truth, but as I edit this writing on Tuesday, my computer is sick, my car won't run, and a snow storm is blowing off roofs and filling the sidewalk and streets. I can't help wondering if some powerful enemy doesn’t like me.
I know my imagination can soar to great heights, or down into ocean depths, but I believe there is a basic truth to what I see. Once, one of the slaves from the future told me that their state of existence was so hideous they begged to never be born. I assume the cause of such a life has to do with our wars or mistreatment of the earth.
Well, enough. This morning's greeting and prayer with Jesus was wonderful and grand. More and more people joined in the gathering. What is most important is that every mature person can learn do the same if they choose.
As Jesus explained to me once, “Meeting on the mountain is basic.”
What he meant was that our minds should be able to do this most basic thing as a necessary step in spiritual growth. Other steps follow after this simple mental training. In the mind, the mountain is everywhere. One day, all people on earth will see themselves stand on God's holy mountain with Jesus. God gave us minds with the ability to not only think, but also to visualize different scenes and places. It is up to us to learn how to use these visions to better purpose.
2/10/08
In church this morning, Jesus wore red. It used to frighten me when I first saw Jesus in red. I thought it meant that something bad was about to happen. Not so, this day the narrow piece of red that covered one shoulder signified the Lenten season. I am not sure what this part of clothing would be called.
Jesus walked with me this morning as we spread the light, (Jesus is always with us as we spread the light even when I don't write of him). We went into a warming shelter and spread light. I hoped that the light would reduce stress and upset. Thankfully, we saw very few people out side on this bitterly cold morning.
Just before
my walk with Jesus, between the Offertory of the mass and Lord’s Prayer, I had
stepped up to God's golden light. It recharges my strength and my ability to
focus. Then standing next to Jesus, I poured heavy, golden light into
My conversation during my walk with Jesus was interesting this morning. Yesterday I asked the angels how the light actually works or what causes it to work. They told me that it works by spreading our own feelings of good-will and empathy.
This morning I asked Jesus about this. “If the light is spread by our good-will or our feelings for other people, why do we need to reach for God's light?”
Jesus knew I wasn’t thinking against God; I was merely asking a question about the use of God’s light.
He said, “You need to use God’s light because your own light is feeble by comparison.”
Of course. It was a dumb question. Each of us are endowed with a spark from God, the spark that gives us life. I imagine a person's concern for another shines only as a small glimmer around their own body, but a person who calls on God's light has vastly more of it to share with other people. God’s energy is truly limitless and he gives it to us freely. It is us humans who put limits on our ability to carry his light.
Last night I watched two interesting CD’s. the first was from the Discover Channel. It was about dark matter and energy. I noted that the first person to discover that such matter might exist called it ‘invisible matter.’ The term was more accurate than the term scientists use today, 'dark matter.' They named it dark because we can’t see it.
I can tell you that this matter is anything but dark. I have walked through its golden halls. Both the new found dark (invisible) matter and dark (invisible) energy are well known to God. When Jesus and Mary took me to a part of the universe to show me The Source, I was so flabbergasted by the sight, I didn’t know how to equate it with other knowledge. Now I think I do. I think they showed me what scientists call the Big Bang, but the bigger than big, Big Bang that I saw never stops rolling, never ceases to energize life, and never, ever stops—period. It is as if God took in a big breath long ago and is still letting his breath out. His breath becomes all that is, was, or ever will be.
After watching the Discover CD I stepped up to heaven and asked God, “What will happen? Will we keep expanding forever?”
God’s answer—“You will see it.”
I had not expected an answer and dared not impose to ask more although I didn't understand what the words meant. I don’t know if it was a reflection on my life, or every life, a view from heaven for me one day, or all of us on earth. Maybe God meant that Jesus will take me to view this event. I just don’t know.
The other CD I watched was an old movie (20 years is old already?) 2010 Space Odyssey . I found the fantastic technology that Author C. Clark pictured our world would have by now amazing. Even the furniture was out of this world futuristic. Ideas about why our technology hasn’t evolved in such stupendous leaps is the subject for another writing. This writing is about the end of the movie.
Any movie that touches me so deeply as to bring tears and then questions after its end has merit. This one certainly did. At the end, a single obelisk sat on Europa just as it had sat on earth in the first movie, 2001 Space Odyssey and Jupiter turned into the second sun of our solar system. As humans were given the message in the sky to stay away from the new earth, the nations on earth finally pulled themselves back from war and turned to peace because, “The Landlord has spoken.”
I cried
because I understood any new world of life, imaginary or not, would come from
God, but I know from other stories by
I asked Jesus about this too last night after the movie. I felt slightly jarred by the idea. Surly God is God? God is the giver of life. I also know that we on earth are very primitive. Are we so primitive that our major ideas are wrong?”
Jesus' answer: “You are both right.”
“Ah, of course.” I felt better right away.
Jesus added, “You knew this already.”
True, I did already know it. I just hadn’t thought about it in the same terms. Jesus has taken me traveling to worlds that were so highly evolved I could hardly understand them. Even so, most of these highly evolved worlds did not show a lot of technology because they kept it hidden or used it sparingly.
Yes, there need not be anything wrong with science or the technology it sows. What often becomes wrong is that we forget the limits of science, limits such as 'dark matter.' Also, it may be that there is much in the world that stays invisible to all of us, material that is only visible to people who meditate. Our great body of science finds only what it searches for, which can leave out much. Science has been compared to a single flashlight searching in a dark sky field, science finds only what it searches for in that beam. Science can’t allow God into its equations, but it should also never deny God as the most optimum possibility. Enough said because most of us are already aware of the most common beings science has missed—the angels.
Just lately, Mary appeared in my mind again. Although Mary often says nothing or only a few words, this time she spoke.
She said, “There is something I will ask you to do.”
I said of course I will do it, whatever it is. But my thoughts ran a little wild. After all, it is Lent.
She smiled and added, “Nothing of that nature.”
So I felt greatly relieved. Not sure if I could ever do what Jesus did, or if anyone could. It isn't that a lot of people haven’t suffered and died for the needs of heaven, many have, but did they, like Jesus, do it knowing they could step off earth?
2/12/08
Mass last night was a celebration of Our Lady of Lourdes appearing to the young girl Bernadette a hundred and fifty years ago. Even though my car is down and I had to beg a ride to church, I felt holy and lifted up by the solemnity and beauty of the occasion. Five priest and two deacons served at the alter, and the voice of the organist who sang the mass seeped into the soul. Father Perrone spoke a first-rate sermon about how this young, humble girl helped bring religion back to a land that was in danger of losing its faith. A special statue of Our Lady of Lourdes set on the front side of the alter amid vases of flowers next to a painting of the young Bernadette. The whole church was aglow in an atmosphere of holiness.
Certainly, Jesus was there as was his mother. Jesus stood in the isle while the Blessed Mother hovered invisibly above the people and pews. Mary wore white and held a white rosary in her hands. She did not speak.
Jesus said of her, “She is ascended.”
I think he meant that Mary is totally in heaven even while she visits the church in spirit? He, on the other hand, is totally everywhere?
The glow of God’s blessings seemed to be abundant within the church this night and swelled out into the surrounding neighborhood, rolling like waves upon the sea. Jesus moved the waves out further. God covered every one of us in the church with his golden essence. We couldn’t see our own aura of holiness, but as we walked and talked later at the small social, we still carried a hint of this golden glow around with us.
I used the high energy from the mass as a blessing for my family. I sent the light towards those in my family who are in need of spirituality. With Jesus still at my side, I also went above the city and poured this light onto the streets and homes.
I want to mention this again, any time I am sending out God’s light, Jesus is at my side. When I pour God’s golden blessing upon the earth, Jesus is always there. Even though Jesus is the one encouraging us to “Do it ourselves,” it doesn’t mean he isn’t there as the holy spirit to encourage us.
The whole church participated in saying a sincere heartfelt rosary after mass. What better way to honor Mary? At every appearance, she carries a rosary as a reminder that we should say its prayers. It is a powerful means of pushing evil away from our personal space and for sending the light out to other people. I believe that with Mary’s great power from love of her son, she sends a drop of heaven down to each of us who say the rosary.
When I am busy, I try to remember to say it throughout the day. It takes a mere minute and a half to say one Our Father and ten Hail Marys. Not much effort put out for a great amount of benefit.
2/24/08—Notes about myself after the disaster to my home
As we get older we set up routines for our days: a cup of tea in the morning, an easy chair to contemplate in, the newspaper, wash cloths certain days, clean on other days, let the dog out and in, work, home, relax in the favorite chair, news, dinner, movie, bed—Life made easy by habit. My routine was shattered in less than two minutes. This is probably why my nerves don’t want to settle down. I expect this to improve as I rearrange my life to fit into a new routine. For the most part, I refuse to think about some things. Right now, it isn’t in my best interest to remember with fondness certain things about my past life.
And yes, what went before February 16 is a past life. Today I live a new one. I try to keep this in mind as I go about each day, but only this and nothing else. It is better to keep some things blocked off for a while. This makes me think of other people who have went through worse disasters than I have. Perhaps they were physically attacked, or have no family to turn to, or their whole community is on the run. I cry for them, deeply but silently because I haven’t cried for myself yet.
I have read that older women have a hard time crying, actually bringing out the tears. Maybe so, maybe that is why I haven’t cried yet, or maybe I just need to watch a tear-jerker movie to let the tears roll. I will one day, I am sure when real fear pertaining to my situation hits me in the gut. Right now, I fear nothing. Maybe next week?
Today I will go to a new church. An auspicious sign that it is Immaculate Conception Church? I believe so. This means that this church too, like my last one, values Mary greatly and celebrates her holidays with extra care. I hope this will make me feel at home.
Jesus has told me, “You will feel better after you go to church.”
So I look forward to meeting new people although this will probably take a while. I find it hard to push my way into social gatherings. Small talk catches in my throat at the worst moments, but I will make a real attempt to meet people in a few weeks. For now it will feel good to sit inside a church once more and pray during mass. As ever, Jesus and Mary will be with me to cushion my social gaffs and ease my entry into new situation.
2/24/08
I finally
cried this morning for the silliest of reasons:
because the church choir was too loud. I wanted the cathedral
atmosphere, classical organ, and Latin prayers back. I wanted to be at Assumption
Grotto. Later, as I sang along I smiled at my own folly, shell shock, I assume.
The
During the mass I thought of how I relate to Jonah and the Whale. Jonah refused to follow God’s orders, but God turned him around and made him to do his will. I guess I got so stuck in my home, I couldn’t be moved, have I too been expelled to spread through the world? Well, the idea sounded good during mass.
Jesus assured me during mass that all was well and that I shouldn’t worry. Mary wore white again and smiled down at me. As I left the church I noticed a beautiful statue of Mary near the front holding a rosary. It made me feel at home.
2/25/08
The reality of my situation is beginning to catch up with me. I slept twelve hours yesterday, from 8:30 last night to 9:30 this morning, the first time I’ve slept like this in more years than I can remember. Still shaky too, but I know I will get over it eventually. I wonder, am I one of the homeless now, one of the people I used to give two or three dollars to? No, not really. I have family who are willing to help me for now, but they are all stressed out too. It will all work out in the end. God will help me, heaven is on my side, Jesus and Mary love me and have taught me how to love deeply. Love will return to me as it is needed.
2/25/08
I have been deeply hurt and now that the shock is wearing thin, I am getting angry. My gas bill was paid up and has been for thirty years, I did nothing illegal, I had no knowledge there could be danger next door, but someone did. The owner who was a sister to the mother living in the home must have known the gas was shut off at the house, and so did DTE Energy. It was DTE Energy's responsibility to do a periodic check to make sure there was no miss use or gas leakage. They should have removed the potential for misuse. I ask why didn't they check on a home that was supposed to be abandoned and unlivable? A simple drive past would have showed the truth.
Also, the
extent of the explosion seems to put a lie to the idea of a small gas leak.
This blast was gigantic. It was felt all the way to
And where does this leave other people who don't know their neighbors? If their neighbor runs out of money, guess what? Their home is in danger too. I hear from those who have insurance that even their insurance companies are refusing to pay. The excuse: The blast was caused by an illegal act. So if someone does an illegal act to you or your home, you are libel? Then what good is any insurance? Or does this rational only apply to people with low funds?
Truly, I haven't figured out what to do yet. I don't know what to do. I am calling any agency I can think of for help. So far, no help is forthcoming. I did save most of the furniture and appliances that was inside my home, but what about outside? My rose garden, sculptures, and rocks I collected for years from Belle Isle, a yard I sat in to meditate and talk with Jesus, a small pond, a shed, a fenced in yard for my dog, a glider to sit on, and of course, a home I could call my own.
I am used to being independent, now I live between the homes of my children because I no longer have a home. I feel like one of the homeless who I often handed out donations. Yes, someone is responsible for this event, that someone is DTE Energy and they should help fix up my home or provide me with a new one.
2/16/08
(I found this in my laptop just
recently. I was writing this when the blast occurred. The a's covered three
pages, but I deleted them here for the sake of brevity.)
Ah, this morning is sunny outside and inside. We gathered with Jesus on the mountain and many of us stepped up to God to bask in gold then we brought it with us into the circle. When we left the mountain, each of us were golden giants walking on the land and seas. Large areas around each of us everywhere we stepped filled with a golden shadow and mist of God.
I found it interesting that as I walked or stood in a certain place, a giant who reached halfway across the hand of Michigan, I could still reach down to a young five year old girl, with straggly hair, a dirty dress, and bare feet to give her a hug. I did this to a few other children. I also hugged a sick women and a mother in sorrow. All this time I shared light everywhere I went. At one point, I poured light out on to the state like from a huge golden kettle. I went to a few other states to spread the glow too.
I thought about the contrast of our world and a few worlds Jesus had taken me to, worlds where God is a constant presence, where no one needs to spread his light because every person always walks with God. Here we need to actively call out to God to feel his presence because we are blocked from his light as if a heavy cloud overshadows us, as if
it was always it was always a dull daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ay without sunshine.
2/28/08
A ray of sunshine. I found my orange cat Antzy. I went into the house to pick up the dog bed and heard her cry. She had been outside for the whole week and a half. I usually kept her inside, so except for starving, the change may have been an adventure for her.
I happened to have a can of 9 Lives in my trunk that I could open without a can opener. She is all fur and bone, but wouldn’t eat at first. She was too traumatized or happy to see me. I took her to work with me and then to Lapeer where I am staying for now. She is delighted to be with me again. Our pets don’t understand when tragedy happens. They can’t fathom why their lives have changed so much. To tell you the truth, neither can I.
[1] The Great Ideas of Philosophy, 2nd Edition, The Teaching Company, by Daniel N Robinson, Lecture 41