8/2/08
This morning during meditation, I wasn't doing well, so Jesus stepped in and said, “Let me lead you.”
Together we
stepped into downtown
I wondered how long this soul food lingers in our hearts, for a long while, I hoped. Isn't that the point? That the golden waves of God’s energy will stick to our souls like food sticks in the body to give nourishment. Interesting idea: Does the energy stay longer according to our ability to receive it? Does a prayerful person get more from this energy than a person who doesn't know God? Often, people who are close to God can recognize other people who are close also, as if an aura of knowing envelopes both. Yet, the purpose of sending out God's light is to hope that it touches everyone with a good feeling or better thoughts. Like Jesus said, God shines on everyone.
Those of us who gather to send out God's energy wish for goodness to penetrate every nook, cranny and heart of the world. We think it is working. A number of the people who meet on the mountain are greatly religious and know how to meditate deeply. They tell me that God’s energy is working, that it is calming souls all around the world. Their words give me encouragement.
I remember Jesus telling me, “You must do it yourselves.”
It took me a long time before I realized why. It is because we ourselves have immediacy, we own the moment, we exist specifically in now that is happening on earth, therefore, what we think and believe is dominant. Our moments have enough potential power to change our world.
I am not
sure why I couldn’t stay in focus this morning. Perhaps it was an attack
against me. Jesus seems to agree with this. Before Jesus took my hand and
walked me into the center of
I told them to “Live the light.”
I keep the words simple and innocuous because the ability to touch another person's mind is such a new method of communication, it could be frightening. It is best to keep things simple and encouraging. Besides, not everyone chooses to hear or take heed and probably shrug it off as their own thought. This is just as well. I know I have this new ability to reach out, but to do so effectively, I need to concentrate on a specific person for a moment. I don't always do this well, but I think I will improve as I practice. This may be why someone subtly attacked my meditation this morning.
I watched everyone going up to communion and thought abut this in church: We are all souls inhibiting a body, souls that are using this body for the duration of a life, a life grown and nourished by God's earth and sun. Eventually, each soul will need to go somewhere at the end of that God given life, but so many un-churched people have forgotten this or never realized the broken glass they tread on each day. It for these people that I pray.
8/4/08
At times, I get into worried emotional disruptions and wonder what I am doing here. "What good am I?" I ask Jesus. Why am I struggling so hard, for what? What can I do to help people? Why did I even come back to this house? I have no friends, no family. What am I doing? Well, this stuff runs through my mind every once in a while corrupting my psyche. This morning, before I even began the rosary and meditation, I called out to Jesus for help.
“You will do well.” He told me.
He was right, as usual. As soon as I began to meditate, I decided that it was wrong of me to try and jump right in then begin sending light to people. First, I need to revive God's light within myself. I had been forgetting this simple rule, but I knew exactly what I needed and where to get it. As the rosary played from the VCR, I began walking towards God’s golden fountain. With each step that brought me nearer, I felt my outer self disappear in the aura of swirling energy, liquid gold. My bones and blood became gold as I reached the center node of God's heavy golden energy. I had pushed and pushed through the sparkling amber waterfall until I reached the center of the fountain. There I stood for a long minute, basking within the grace of God Almighty. My soul was gorging on this sweet flow of milk and honey, such nourishment as to be indescribable. I finally stepped away feeling incredibly alive and knowing.
I felt that I understood more than I had before after God's fountain. I understood where I am going, what I am supposed to do, and why I am here. I saw the reason for all our prayers and watched as many people spread God’s light around and through our world. I saw the world as a huge lake and each person’s meditation of love as small drops of golden rain falling onto the lake’s surface. Every drop created a wave that flowed out in a ring of love. It is all needed, and more.
I remember the angels telling me once that if such a huge worldwide disaster was to happen, there would not be enough time for heaven's angels to direct every soul (6 billion+) towards heaven in time to save everyone. They need our help. The more people who know walk in the light, then the more people who could direct their own soul off earth in the right direction if disaster should fall. Many of will walk towards Jesus Christ when he calls, and right into his arms.
What of those who refuse to believe? Will they become ghosts running and screaming through rising flames? If the fire can't hurt the body, can it still hurt the psyche that might remain? This scene frightens me deeply, more so because I have been told that it happened already, in our future. It an event that all of heaven, with our help, is trying to prevent. Yet, no matter how we try, the world we live in seems to teeter on the edge of disaster. This is why Jesus is encouraging more prayer and has drawn us together on the mountain. After I watched a television program that stated the Mayan date for dooms-day, 2012, Jesus told me that the date was wrong. After a moment of reflection, I realized that he neglected to say that it would not happen.
With our world on edge all the time, our prayers are needed more and more. Yet, I felt confused as to what role I could play and what good I could do. Now I understand better. Knowing God is knowing everything, at least for a second. I brought away the knowledge of the good I am doing and will continue to do by meditating and sending out my thoughts.
I learned that when I go to a person during meditation or prayer and hug them or tell them to live the light, even thought the person doesn’t change at that moment, their souls listens. I am in effect telling their soul which direction to go in if and when the worst happens. Much can impinge on a soul between now and then and the message needs to be sent over and over.
During normal death, Jesus will be there to carry the soul away if that is the direction the person has chosen. During a worldwide disaster, so many souls would be lost that I shudder to think of the needless damage and pain. Souls don’t die. Imagine a soul lost after a nuclear blast amid all the horror and death, perhaps relived over and over ad infinium. That is my purpose here, why many are here, why many are praying all the time. We can’t allow it to happen, and if it did, we need to prepare people, point out the road to escape.
When
I said the rosary the other day, I went to a tall man in
Jesus said to me, “That is what I want you to do.”
He has told me this before, but I tend to get discouraged. I didn't see the results. Now I know that it does good. That the soul is fed, even if the human refuses to acknowledge it.
I felt so much better after this understanding that I glowed with enough light to send it out strong into the city. I felt the light working; I knew it was doing some good as were the other people praying at this time. Eventually, our efforts will grow into an up-turn for the whole earth. The potential is there, but it is up to us to keep at it. I remembered the list of warnings in Revelation, the burning of the land, etc, but even so, the end has beautiful promise, that Jesus will guide the world and his followers would take the lead. Therefore, there is great hope. Hope that we all awaken to God and the good in our fellow neighbors so we can develop into one world turned towards heaven.
8/11/08- I used up most of my free time in the spring and summer fixing up my house. It still needs work from top to bottom, but I have put it on hold for a while because I am tired. I enjoyed fixing up the house, but I regretted that I didn’t have time to work on the book I began a year ago or any new paintings. So the other week I began a few art projects for the yard. I did make a (sort of ok) wire arch in the center of my roses. I want to put a statue of Mary in the center and asked my son to make me a base for it. I still need to find a statue that is reasonably priced. The second art project I just finished today. I felt inspired by the Disney movie “Wall-e” and so decided to build a robot. I had fun building it. It is cute and funny. A few of the neighbor kids helped me decorate it. Here is a small photo. Click here for large image.
The Robot
8/11/08
Yesterday before church, I was feeling down because of a number of things happening in my life. I felt that the roof was falling in. Funny, but my roof is literally cracked enough to let rain in which is probably what put me in such a down mood. I knew I needed a new roof on the house, but wanted to wait another year until I saved up money. Well, anyway, my mood wasn’t great in the morning, so I looked forward to the celebration of mass. I knew that just being there would lift up my spirits.
It did, but in a unique way. Father Perron’s sermon put me back together. He talked about how we all seem gripped in the swirl of reality, that we are unable to control any of it. We are mistaken if we think we control any of it except for one thing—our relation to God. Love, obedience, and faith in God is the only thing any of us truly have control over in our lives. The only true choice we ever make: To love God with our whole self. All else is illusion
I realized this truth before, but his words made me feel better because it is so easy to forget. I do try to give God my whole self in love. The sermon made me realize once again that I am living this kind of life because it is what God wants of me. I am living this way because of my love for God and humanity. Here is my place in life as only I can live it.
Suddenly, my heart swelled with the knowledge that I am ok, that I can trust in God to help me pull through the strife. Live each day as God gives it to you and all will be well. Don't worry. A tall call for someone like me. Yet, I do trust God. I do believe that I am following his decree. Right then, I promised Jesus that I would keep the plough to the soil and trust that all will be well. All is well.
Then after most people had been to communion one of the priests came over to the side of the church to give a frail, old man communion. My emotional cry to Jesus has often been. “Why did you do it?” But watching this old man reverently receive Christ into his broken body broke my hurt felt cry apart too. Of course, he had to do it. He had to die else we wouldn’t have his presence with us today. Rationally, this is easy to understand, and it is only my heart that held on to the pain. I swelled with pride to know that Jesus was this minute inside my body, as well.
If someone you know doubts the truth of Jesus presence in the Eucharist, send them to the display of Eucharistic Miracles during the month of August in the Assumption Grotto gym. Throughout history, Jesus has put his mystical mark on the communion host as an on going promise of his presence and proof that he is with us still.
8/13/08
I went to
the
As I stood outside with the other people saying the rosary, Jesus spoke to me.
He said, “You will teach other people to that.”
At first, I
wasn’t sure what he meant because my feet hurt and I had been wondering if I
could keep standing until the rosary was finished. Jesus told me that I would
be able to stand until the prayers were done. I wasn’t sure but kept praying
and sending God’s energy outward. I watched as our prayers filled the beautiful
Grotto of Mary and flowed beyond the church grounds and out into the city. I
sent love and a hug to a skinny, young man in
I told Jesus, “I love doing this.”
That is when he told me that I would show other people how to do it as well.
He added, “It is needed.”
I thought about that need as I finally sat down on a cement ledge after the rosary. Often, Jesus will downplay the danger when he speaks to me. He knows that my imagination will fill in the blanks. At his words, I thought about the vast number of people who are in dire spiritual need. So many, it would take millions of us sending out God’s energy in the form of light, mental concern, and hugs. Could we make a difference? I don’t know. I do know that Jesus wills that we give it a try. That is enough for me.
8/14/08
Jesus told me a few weeks ago during mass that he would heal me. I told him that I don't feel healed. Though I admit there could be something else wrong with me instead of my knees and legs. I never go to a doctor except to get thyroid meds, so how would I know?
His answer—"I will heal it all."
I am not sure what he meant by this but accept that he will do what he said. After thinking about it for a while I wondered if he meant to heal me socially, physically, and mentally? That may be so. I have been downtrodden in all areas, (except mental, of course. Ha), for a number of years. This leaves me to wonder why? Why now? What did I do right? What had I done wrong? What happened in the world that makes me ok to heal? I don't know the answer to any of these questions. I may eventually, but not now. Dare I ask again and again and take the chance that it will all fall apart? No. I will leave it alone. Besides the devil is forever busy. Anytime I write something on the web, he is sure to know and take steps against what is happening. So it is best not to let such things trouble me. Just go on and hope for the best.
I have noticed something interesting about the people who are very traditional and conservative, it is common practice to make themselves available for Jesus. They seem to consider themselves tools he can use for what ever he needs. I have believed this of myself for a long time too. Is this why Jesus sent me to the Legion of Mary? So I can further his work through the Legion. I believe so.
8/14/08
I just came home from church and a meeting to loud yelling, beer bottles clanking, and loud music from cars. Two car owners were polite enough to move for me when I pulled up, but that doesn’t erase the on going party. This party has been going on since the man got a tether on his leg. He says that he can go any place so he needs to call people to him. He does, by the ten and twenties.
What can I do? I have a right to live in a peaceful and quiet neighborhood. It is quiet all along the street except for in front of my home. The man said he has a right to party. I say he is violating the rules of civilized society. It is just like obeying the rules of the road, they are made to ensure that everyone can go forward.
I have prayed over and for this man. I have begged Jesus to help with this situation. He tells me it will work out. He doesn’t tell me how. I have watched this young man grow up and then halt emotional growth. I prayed for him tonight as I said the rosary. And then came home to this mess. I ask everyone to pray for this situation I am in. I believe that Jesus is doing all he can about this, but the more prayers the better. Thank you.
8/18/08
This
morning during meditation, I remembered the young street girl, Maria, in
“Right now, you are busy working and raising a family. They are your main concern.”
Even so, she works at one of the Catholic relief centers not too far from a large city whose name I forgot. I seldom learn a person’s name anyway, or the names of places. Names don’t seem important when you can zero in and find a person’s psyche any time you need to do so.
When I left Maria, I went to a young man who I had also met as a street person and told him I loved him for what he was doing. He now works with kids on the street trying to bring them in to a center. I agreed with him that it all seems hopeless at times.
Before I left him, I explained the same thing to him that I had Maria about the ability to go to people mentally. I made sure he understood that I was only a normal person with a special ability and that he would develop this same ability one day. (Speaking to someone mentally seems to open pathways that we usually consider impossible. I just realized that maybe I should be careful who I speak to in this way).
“It will help you do this work with the children.” I told him.
I asked him if there was a special person who he was struggling with.
“Let me see the person in your mind. I will try to help.”
I kept the image of the young man in my mind as I searched. Within seconds, I found the boy. He was thin and wild looking, had blond/brown hair, a dirty face, and a smart attitude. The whole of his personality surrounded him like a shroud. When I found him, he had just argued with his friends and left to be alone. He slumped down to the cement and leaned up against a building as if resting or about to go to sleep. A smirk or frown on his face.
My emotions are still strong as I write this. I reached over to him and in spite of his trying to pull back from my spirit, I hugged with all the spiritual strength I could find, repeating over and over, “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
As I poured out this love, something broke. We both felt it, like a dam had smashed to the ground pouring out emotions instead of water. His soul cried out to mine. I could feel his muscles strain and then cry. He shuddered, and sobbed some more. Water filled his eyes, but little else came out in the open. No doubt, he worried that a friend might walk by. Afraid of shame, yet, he sobbed inside his heart. I felt the joy of it. I felt him become full of love, at least for a moment.
Finally, he smiled outwardly and nodded. All this time I had been holding him tight in my invisible arms.
I told him again, “I love you. Don’t you ever forget it.”
As I broke away, I showed him a mental picture of the man who had been trying to help him. “Go to him.” I said, “He needs you to be ok.”
I left that street corner with gladness in my heart. I am not sure if he went or not, in any case, I believe he took an emotional step forward this morning, as did I. The more I learn to give, the more I am given. I see my own need to reach out to another person with great emotional need because it allows me to express love. Also, I felt good because this is what Jesus has asked me to do.
The rosary helps me focus. This is important because when I don’t focus well, I don’t do well. This morning I did well, and felt proud that I could use this ability to help another person. Jesus wants other people to reach out too. The method that I learned works best is to keep the spoken mystery in mind during the Our Father and then at the Hail Mary’s begin to reach out to someone. Perhaps it will take a whole decade for one person or a single prayer. It depends. Often, I ask the angels to lead me to someone who is in great need. Still, it isn’t easy. I feel good if I manage to reach out to two or three specific people during the whole of the rosary. It is different when spreading God’s light, then we are broadcasting to everyone. Jesus and Mary both seemed pleased with my meditation this morning and that pleases me as well.
8/19/08
Of all the people who spread God’s light in the world, I am probably the least capable. The reason is that I am not well trained in meditation or prayer. Many others have given their whole lives in service to God and other people. They know how to pray. I have only given a small part of mine. Yet, what we do is for everyone and we must all keep trying. So what if you loose focus for a moment, just take the reins and grab it back. That is what I do. The goal is to feed souls with love. The small taste we might give is better than no taste at all.
8/21/08
I feel caught
up enough with the house to get back to my regular life once more. It will
never be great looking so it is best to ignore the flaws. Ah, but what is a
regular life? Maybe I will paint or return to the book I began a year ago. I
also have plans to write a non fiction book of some kind. Probably a new
comment on Revelation, as if any more were needed. Yet, I did pull out some
interesting facts the last time I researched Revelation, such as: the "Sea of glass" could be images
on television seen through glass and the predicted "Three days of silence
in heaven" equals the three days after 9/11 when all the air planes were
grounded by order of our President. For those 3 days, our skies were quiet for
the first time since the Wright Brothers. Also, I learned recently that “
Well,
enough of my silly life. What is truly important is that Jesus has taught me
how to reach out to people in distress. I keep remembering the boy in
8/22/08
During meditation and the rosary this morning, I stood as if in a huge ball of light that covered much of the land but also went deep into the earth. I remembered the deep, dark well that Jesus showed me once with dirty souls climbing out. The news last night spoke of a man who advertised for infants to sexually abuse. Such a thing is appalling and unimaginable to most of us. Especially, when it is not done in a rage of hate, but is pre-planned. How can this be? I think is those souls who have climbed out of the dark well. They have come to infect us. Maybe their horrid dark soul has the ability to take a person over in slow steps. Perhaps they get a brownie point in hell for each soul they take over or for every act they force on another. This is a frightening thing to know, but I write it so that we may stay ever attentive and awake.
In my book, The Only Way, I supposed these evil souls who take people over to be sleepers in the future who are driven back in time to live in our lives because they have none of their own. But what is happening seems much more damaging than a will to live someone else’s life. I suspect a seriously evil force, a future Hitler, has taken over.
At the time I wrote my book, Jesus agreed with some of the writing even though it was written as fiction. I changed the well of souls into sleepers. This worked out well and maybe more true because the dark well Jesus showed me was only a symbol of what was happening or about to begin happening. It was a warning. I intend put this horrible event in my next fiction book as well because I believe it to be true. I write fiction in an attempt to search out the cause of evil and put it in terms I can understand. Maybe if I ever stop writing it will because I know it all. Ha.
Sitting here in front of my pond (sort of a pond) I realized what I what I have been missing for months. I haven’t taken the time to sit and reflect and talk with Jesus enough. I have kept myself too busy putting my house back together. Well, I admit I haven’t done so much as I brag about because I can’t do as much I used to, but I try. My friendship with Jesus has suffered from neglect. He tells me it hasn’t but I feel more lonely than I once did. So now I realize what I need to do—sit and do nothing once in a while with little on my mind. Jesus told me that we will travel again when I am able to sit like now in the evening and be with him. I feel delighted already,
Just now I
told myself not to worry about running so much water. Next year I will build a
fountain that will catch the water and pour it back, for now, I am pleased to
sit here quietly (for some reason there is no music coming from anywhere in the
neighborhood today) and listen to the animals. I thought I heard a whippoorwill
earlier, are such birds in
Sitting here in front of the pond I suggested to Jesus that we go someplace simple because I am so out of practice. He suggested that we go to the place I call, Ribbon World. Yes, a delightful idea.
We walked up through the sky tunnel and I rubbed my hands over the mahogany surface of its side. I noticed that the braids that made up the bottom were also smooth and that the sides were more open than closed with a single twist of rope separating the open spaces here and there.
Jesus said, “I chose to walk the tunnel when we travel because it pleases the tunnel to be used.”
“I know,” I said, “I can feel its pleasure.”
Especially when I rub my hand over its surface.
Jesus can step to any place in the universe, but we humans need a method that gives us the time to adjust to such travel and the sky tunnel works well.
We walked to the edge and stepped off. We stood on a brush lined hill rise that looked down to the special place where the Ribbon Gods floated. From this vintage point, it looked like a very wide, glass bowl filled solid too.
I climbed down to enter the bowl, but Jesus said he would remain among the fauna above. He has done this before. I am not sure why he doesn’t join the precession. He spoke to me at one point during the procession, and I speculate that may be why he stays aloof from it.
I stepped down further and further into the bowl of glass. It was similar to stepping into a deep pool of still water, but it doesn’t feel wet. It is the air in this one spot on this single planet that is so different. Jesus told me once that it was the only place in the universe with such air, and Ribbon Gods, I presume, although they are not real gods. As soon as I stepped in I joined the end of the procession. There is always a procession going on. I watched the ground as the person in front of me made footprints. Probably most of the people in the long waving line were real and had traveled here physically. Only a few of us were here in spirit. Jesus entered my mind to tell me that the footprints are erased all the time by the current and no one leaves an impression in the sand. I smiled at this because I felt like I would have liked to leave a foot print here.
Then I forgot everything and just followed the person in front of me, one step after another in a sing-song cadence. I saw colorful ribbons flowing around us and at one point watched a red Ribbon God flow out of the person in front of me. I smiled because I remembered the good feeling I received any time a Ribbon God flowed through me on other visits.
As I wondered if a Ribbon god would visit me today, I saw a very long white ribbon come up to me and begin to flow around and envelop me as I continued stepping onward. It was so long that the ends were far away from me. It swirled in undulating waves, always moving, and always surrounding my body.
I was
amazed. I had never saw a white Ribbon God before this. I wondered if I would
receive special information from this God. Exchanging information seems to be
their purpose, and of course, they aren’t really gods, but to us dumb humans,
they might as well be. Once when a yellow ribbon suddenly turned from its
forward motion and fell to the ground in front of me, I knew something had
happened. Later after my visit to their world, I learned that an air plane had
crashed in
This visit was more gentle. The white ribbon kept flowing around my body for a long while before it moved forward and then back then to flow through my body. It was a very long breath held visit of one being merged with another, a long moment of bliss. When I breathed again, I felt comforted and enclosed in a shroud of love. Maybe that is what was meant by the swirl of white ribbon around me.
When I left and met again with Jesus, he seemed to think that was the case. That I was being comforted in the only way they had to do so, a way they hoped would last a long time. I guess they knew better than I do that I needed comfort. I go on and push myself through each day trying not to heed my own personal needs.
Today, I changed this, I decided to rest. I spent an hour watering the 8 rose plants I put in the ground yesterday, and am spending the rest of the day just sitting by my pond and visiting with Jesus. I should add that Ferguson Enterprises has agreed to reimburse me for the roses. When they cleaned up the mess after the explosion, they scrapped up my roses too. They won’t need to pay a lot, I found roses on sale very cheap because they were slightly damaged. Most roses in pots are fifty dollars, but I got 7 of them for five dollars. Quite a bargain. But the season for roses is over; the ground was so hard, I wouldn’t have been able to plant them if it wasn’t for the young boy who lives across the street. He dug the eight holes for me. I am grateful.
8/23/08
I went to
the young boy in
I told him, “You are deeply loved.”
He began to smirk at this but then cocked his head as if thinking, I showed him an image of the young man who had been trying to help; also, that he was coming this way right now. He did come. He sat down with the young boy and began to talk with gestures of persuasion. Somehow, I knew that this time he would be successful in bringing the boy in to school and comfort. These young toughs don’t realize how lucky they will be if they go to the center. I think it is one of the centers funded by Catholic Relief Services, but I am not sure. When I can, I try to send a little money to CRF in the hopes that it will help the people who work so hard to bring kids off the streets.
So many people need help, but I dare not think of the vast numbers because then it seems hopeless. It is best to concentrate on what we can do, not what we can’t. So many people work hard, it makes me feel very inadequate. Compared to those tireless people who work for Jesus, my efforts are slim. I wish I could give more aid to people. When, in the rare event that I am able to touch someone's heart, I depend on the angels to continue the effort because I easily forget to go back. I deeply thank them for their love of us, and the work they do on earth.
While I did
this writing, I spoke with Michael the
8/25/08
During mass Sunday morning, I noticed how perfect the choir sang. I couldn't detect an off note anywhere. They are truly so good they are record quality. Actually, I think they have made recordings when the orchestra was playing. The organist sang and played beautifully and the choir sounded so much like heavenly angels, I expected them to float down from the balcony at any moment.
8/26/08
My beautiful Sunday turned rotten in the evening. During the day, I went to visit my family so my son could fix my car. I saw my new great grandbaby, Areanna and the other grandchildren. I felt good from the visit, but when I pulled up to my house, a loud party was running full steam in front of it. Within an hour, they were even standing in the street yelling at each other. It was horrible, but I didn’t say anything. I turned the television louder than the music.
Jesus told me Monday morning, “You wouldn’t believe the amount of evil directed at you right now.”
I said, “Well, I will keep praying and try to ignore it.”
It turned out that I couldn’t ignore it because the same thing happened that night and became too loud to ignore. I asked them to turn the music down at least five times. They did turn the volume down for a while, but then someone turned it up again when I closed the door. Finally, the owner of the home yelled that he was going to file a complaint against me because I was preventing him from having a good time. Lately, the only time it is quiet near my house is when this person is either sober or sleeping. I called 911 that evening with no result. The next day I drove to the police station to make a complaint, and will do so again, if necessary.
It is like teaching a child, at some point, if they become wild and out of control, it is time to become stern and unyielding in order to teach a lessen. A young person can have a privilege taken away as the lesson; an older person of 40 years needs a different type of lesson. This is why we have rules in a civilized society.
8/26/08
My whole being went through an astounding holy
moment of emotion and understanding during mass on this Tuesday evening.
Ordinarily I don’t go to church on Tuesday but I wanted to check out the
Towards the end of mass, just before communion, as the priest turned around to face the people in the pews with the host in the golden chalice, I saw God’s energy stream out from the cup and fill the church with light. As usual, the energy was a white/gold in color, but this time it flowed out from a central point as a million lazar-like beams.
The realization suddenly hit me: When we receive communion, we are receiving energy from God. God's presence is in every particle of the host. Jesus is always present. Here, Jesus smiled at me knowingly through the light.
I felt shock at the realization that this light coming from the host is the same light that God gives us to send out into the world. This is the living light, the creative light, the Jesus light. Of course I knew this before, but I had never felt it deep within in my soul before. My heart filled up with the awesomeness and reality of this beautiful truth.
A few minutes later, at the communion rail, I knew I was going to receive God’s living energy. I almost expected the communion wafer in the priests hand to glow, but it didn’t. The phenomena was over but not my emotional state. I still felt overwhelmed by what I seen. I should explain that I saw this with my inner-eye, the say way I see the light energy from God flow over the land. We who have received communion now have it in our souls to use for other people. God gives this energy freely to reside within us. It is Jesus Christ. It is God.
I feel quite overwhelmed about it. I remember Jesus promising me once that I would never run out of things to write about. True, true. He never fails to surprise me, and I love him so dearly for it.
8/29/08
In the last few years, Jesus seems to be leading me deeper into the church. My relationship with Jesus was so deep during the writing of my first book, Traveling in Time and Space: an encounter with Jesus, that I didn't think I needed church except for Sunday mass. On my own, I did what I could for people, which wasn't much as a single person. My deep concern for people in distress did lead me to visit a few nursing homes. I always asked to visit with the people who no one else visited. Later I worked in many. If someone were to ask me, I would have said I wasn't a ‘churchy’ person.
That is
changing rapidly, not at the slow pace Jesus pulled me in before. He certainly
gave me much to write about when I went to
I continue to learn as Jesus leads me forward. He doesn’t tell me what to do, I just know where he points. In all, following Jesus has made my life richer than it might have been otherwise. Certainly, I chose to keep our relationship close and dear. Through bad times and good, Jesus is there for me and I thank him dearly for the privilege.
8/30/08
I took special time before meditation this morning to build up my imagination, my ability to get the feeling I am really standing on the mountain with Jesus. I felt that it was needed because I have been faltering more often than I like to think about. The only thing that lifts me from my latest faults is the memory of the overwhelming image Jesus gave me a few days ago in church when the communion host sent out beams of light. He surprises me like this every once in a while. It perks me up and puts me back on track. I have needed perking up lately.
This is why, as soon as I stood with him on the mountain and could feel the stones and grass beneath my bare feet, Jesus said, “I will walk with you today.”
He meant he
would stay with me during meditation while we walked around
We found a number of people in need. Jesus stood back to let me send God’s light to them. (I believe he wants me to learn). One young boy was arguing and having a hard time. Another family was in trouble because of too much drink the night before. Not all was sad. A number of children were happily watching television as I sent them God's light, and I smiled at this Saturday morning rite of childhood. We covered a lot of ground so didn’t linger long in any specific place. When I wondered at this, Jesus assured me that each of the souls we saw felt God’s light and were fed by it.
We moved
out of the city and state into the wide land of all
I got the impression that we need to pay the price for our own ignorance and misuse of the land and sea, and also ourselves. We don’t treat each other well and must pay the consequences eventually. I also remembered what the angels told me years ago. They said that there was a flaw in the earth that was undetectable to our scientists. I speculate that this flaw may be accelerating the heating up of the planet.
Jesus agreed with this assessment.
We ended the meditation session by going below ground to light up the world of the people below. (I don’t know where or when they are but I know it is important to love them). I think I felt the need to pour out love as much, or more, than they needed to receive it.
In all, sending out God’s energy this morning went well for me with Jesus by my side. He helped me stay focused. At the end, we nodded to the other people who had joined us and then covered the whole of earth with God’s light.
I smile as I sit and write this after I said good-by to Jesus. I can hear the cars running on Belle Isle for the Grand Prix. This is Saturday morning so they are probably just practicing. I live about ten or fifteen minutes away by car and can clearly hear them zoom around the course. Amazing.
8/31/08
As I get older each part of the world I see takes on greater importance. The little bird that stops to eat a bug off the tree in front, the shape of the limbs and trunk and the red tone to the wood, the squirrel that runs up and down in a frenzy.
I realize that this might be age speaking and speculate that it takes years to hone the ability to sit and contemplate our surroundings, to choose to visit with nature and appreciate the magic of it all. I truly love all that I see. Even what many people would call a weed often stops me in my track to take note of its beauty. We get used to what surrounds us and begin to love every particle of it, at least, I do.
This is not so true of the objects in my home, though they become so worn and familiar with age that I would be reluctant to see any of it go. I think this stamps me as elderly. Maybe it also takes age to be able to sit for long periods and just enjoy the moment. I love this moment and delight in it. Tomorrow when I have no reason to rush off anywhere, I intend to come again into the back yard and sit amid the birds and listen to their twitter in the trees. The days will be cold soon and I won’t be able to do this so easily.
8/31/08
I feel a little strange about the notion, but Jesus told me that I could put him in my the book that I am writing.
He said, “Tell the truth.”
That is why I wrote a chapter about Jesus taking Maria to the underground. I was thinking of the well he once showed me and our walk underground when we spread God's light. Amazing that Jesus said I could include him, that I should put him in the book. Jesus was in my last book too, The Only Way, but only in when the evil one spoke to him through the centuries. He gave his blessing for that too. Well, I already have many angels, so why not Jesus too? Doesn't he lead the angels?
8/31/08
The gospel today was about pride. Jesus said we humans should sit at the least place instead of the first. During the gospel and sermon I searched my writer-self to see if I was guilty of pride. My answer was "not yet." It may seem like boasting that I write of Jesus and see special effects, but that is the job I have been given to do, nothing else.
I like a good sermon and agree that any talk that helps us to look into our own motives is a good thing. A new lesson every week gives us churchgoers an added benefit besides the celebration of mass, which, by the way, was truly excellent this Sunday.
The reason I didn’t find too much pride in myself especially regarding this writing for the web is because I know it is my job. Maybe I could think of it as a work well done, but that is all. My job to see further and deeper. My job is to write about what I see and learn. My job is minor compared to so many other people’s jobs. I don't even know if or who reads what I write. I do know I write it to help the people of the future. I suspect their world will be much darker than our own.
I still feel amazed at the light that came from communion during mass. It was a small, weekday mass and maybe that is why Jesus showed me the light. Was I debating within myself if his presence was true? I don’t think so. I read each story of the Eucharistic Miracles and came to believe in their truth. I even bought a book about the miracles, though I have only read a few chapters. Once I might have doubted Jesus real presence in the host, but no more.
I don’t think I doubted that night either. I have learned that Jesus, as teacher, is often inscrutable. I never know what he will come up with next. I will start slacking off and suddenly he will come up with a vision that knocks me off my feet. Once on my birthday, he took me to a special place in the universe that resembled a painting I just completed. I love him so dearly for all of it.