12/6/08
This morning’s meditation felt holy and rewarding because I accomplished so much I can’t remember all of what I wanted to write about. I stayed busy and in focus while I sent out the light energy, and felt pleased as I did so. I walked with Jesus first to meet with the others who also come to the mountain, among them leaders who I feel privileged to stand near as well as many who keep working for good much of the time, unlike myself who tends to come and go. Some people are admirable for their persistence and leadership. When I voiced this thought, my friend of many years reminded me that I was one of the first. I smiled at the memory and his goodness for pointing it out. It is true, I was one of the first; however, it is Jesus who calls us, pulls us from every corner of the world, teaches us about using God’s light, and reminds all of us to stay diligent in sharing the light after we gather on the mountain.
This day, I saw the mountain was bleak, sharp and cold, perhaps because it is like that outside my front window, snow lies on the tree branches and the gray sky is a promise of snow. As I walked upon the rock, the gray-black ridges cut into my feet until I stood at the top of the ridge and over to the others. The area where they stood glowed with light; the whole valley seemed filled with bright sunshine.
As we began to join hands, I noticed that each of our hands looked made out of light. I held my hand to my face and opened my fingers, amazed at my own hand, fingers of vivid light held shape as I wiggled them as if a golden rainbow resided inside me. Together, we must be more than just ghostly in form; we were growing deeper in spirit. I realized this must be a new, extra gift from Jesus because for this single moment, my hand and body looked to be made out of light just as Jesus looked when he sat next to me in church one evening not long ago. Jesus has given our gathering power, in itself even before God fills us with energy.
Our joined hands met with the awesome gift of God flowing down from heaven. I felt overwhelmed. An invisible bubble of power sunk into my body, a string tied round to fill my heart, power I would share later as I hugged a baby or child or person on the street.
As I wrote
before, I was so busy during the rosary that I can’t write or count the number
of people I saw. I went to
I see the most serious cause of darkness, the terrorist who are hell bent on destruction, who would turn civilization into their own image, as growing weaker. Their little packets of over-kill may be growing more intense, but fewer in number as they loose ground. This is our prayer; this is the purpose of the light.
The light from God can be sent outwards to fill a whole city or single person. At one point, I saw a tiny baby crawling towards the edge of a stairway. The light convinced the baby to turn around from danger. This is something the angels do for us all the time, though we don’t see them, and regrettably, they aren’t always successful. Thankfully, I was this day, long enough for the mother to take notice of the danger.
I also went down memory lane as I went about sending out spurts of great billows of light into the city, around buildings and down streets. I felt the light work wonders as it swirled around the city, though we may never notice in ordinary space and time. Time being so full during meditation, I had time between bundles of light to recall travels I made with Jesus.
I remembered a few of the places Jesus had taken me before and wondered why I wasn’t traveling anymore.
Jesus said, as he as said many times, “We will again soon.”
I smiled at his word, soon. Jesus’ meaning for soon is far different from my own. I suspect this is because time is different for him than it is for us, he can step into any time; we are stuck in our set of frozen earth time. I remembered the first time I walked through the Mandala, my life to be judged and measured, and found myself on the world called Shamballa. I had popped out as an innocent, young girl, a result with surprised and pleased me. This was before the angels created the Cathedral of Light in the sky with its own set of central arrangement of alters that acts something like a Mandala, which is a symbol of the universe. Any person who can step up to the Cathedral and walk its avenues can follow Jesus to its center for a measure of their own soul’s wellness. So far, few people venture up into the sky. I did see a few monks one day. This reminds me of the famous monk, Thomas Merton who commented that Buddhism had been what he was searching for, the ultimate reach. Truly, Jesus’ wisdom and teaching weaves through many aspects of Buddhism.
Time
stretches as long as anyone needs during meditation, so after this I went to
visit with a number young people who I had made contact with before, just long
enough to give each a smile of encouragement. Most of the young children and
young adults live in
Jesus encouraged me by telling me that it had been enough. The light can travel as fast as we think; our minds can grasp its presence before out bodies take notice. A million events can occur within the light in a short span of time, and this morning, I think I used every ounce of what was given to me.
I went to children’s hospitals here and in other places. One child was seriously burned and I wrapped the young boy in the string bubble God had given to me to use, and held him tight. The bubble, filled with healing energy should help the boy heal quicker. He slept after my hug. I went to more children and a few very old adults in hospitals to hug them. I also went to a man on the street and told him to go to St. Vincent de Paul or the Salvation Army.
“Don’t worry about the prayers they require,” I said, “God is calling you. Go to him.”
I went to others as well and thought about the families that might be cold today. I hope DTE Energy bills are set up so people can pay only the electric portion of their bill, if they can’t afford the gas. I remember a leader from the company assuring the newspaper that they can. I hope this is true. I was angry when DTE combined both bills together because of this potential problem. If people can pay a part, it will be easier on them.
I did so much, but forgot to go underground this morning to spread the light. I assume that the others remembered, even if I didn’t. The more people who join us, the more work we can get done, in more places. This all fits in with our own religious activities and prayers and meditations and songs to God. All of it helps. Just think where we would be without so many of us searching out God as a friend? I shudder at the thought. Those who love God are the pillars that hold the world together.
12/7/08
I woke up remembering the foreign movie, Four Minutes, I watched last night and now can’t forget. It was a horrible, depressing movie about a musical genius jailed for murder. It ended with a concert by the girl genius that reflected all the hate and anger in her young life. As the movie progressed, we learn that she had a father who molested her and then lied on the witness stand when she was accused of murder. She had been used all her life, which is what made this movie so hideous, and the other people were just as flawed.
I kept thinking, how could any one mistreat such a genus, waste such a talent? But we truly do and have. What is wrong with us?
As I reflected on the movie, (a book or movie that causes us to reflect on its contents later must be good, and far beyond most of the tripe we are served), I realized that what bothered me was that the movie is a statement about all of us. I can’t help identifying with that tortured girl and setting my own failures in her place.
We all have potential, we all have some kind of talent, talent that many of us neglect, misuse or allow the world to wear away. How many of us can look at our own life and see it blossom like a flower? Certainly, I can’t. It took me half a lifetime to realize that I should use this life for something more than myself. Now, most of it wasted, my attempt to change the world remains a tiny drop in a vast ocean. If I had started earlier, what more could I have done? Birth gives us such a chance, why oh why don’t more of us use it wisely.
12/8/08
This
morning I prayed for myself, amazing what a change a few days can make, not
that I am in trouble or anything, I feel that I needed a boost from God because
I strained a muscle and have been limping around the house for a week, my car
battery died in the severe cold, and no one will visit my home because I live
in the horridly dangerous city of Detroit. “What bunk. I declare that my street
is the safest street in
As I prayed, and God sent his golden light into me and Jesus said to me” I will never leave you.”
He meant that even when I feel down, he would always be there to rise me up again. I know this is true and bathe in the glow of his love. I see other people struggling with depression and know that if they would just turn to Jesus he would pull them up too.
The quickest way for anyone to turn to Jesus is to do something for someone else, do a random act of kindness, give to a person in need, go out of your way to be kind to someone else or smile, rearrange your life so it contributes to a family member, and, of course, prayer, a small talk inside your head that tells Jesus you know him. It is so easy to forget that what ever we do, Jesus sees us do it. That means that the smallest act of love is truly noticed by heaven. Scientists just proved that happiness can be contagious. So even in disaster, find something good to do and that decent act just might pull you out of the muck as much as the other person.
12/11/08
Last night as I went to communion, I saw the light beam out of the communion host and felt its rays penetrate throughout my body as I went back to my seat. The weekday masses seem more homey and intimate, perhaps that is why I like them. I have decided that even if I don't think I am a good fit for the Legion of Mary and leave it, I will still go to church at least one weekday. It is usually at a weekday mass that Jesus visits me, as he did again this tonight; although, I suggested that I didn't need another grand presence right now, that I would prefer a rest from superlative events.
He laughed and agreed.
I love him so dearly at times, I can't contain it. I would share this feeling with the whole world, if I could.
During the rosary last night, I learned that I didn't need to worry about going to many people, that only if I help a few people, that is enough. The angels instructed me in this just as we were about to start the rosary. Every time I join in the rosary, I tend to expect the same results I get on Saturday, but the there is a difference than when I am with a group either in the meeting room or in church. I analyzed the reason why and came up with the fact that at home, sitting in my chair, playing the rosary tape, I am in a greatly relaxed state of mind, and can put greater concentration into meditation. Because of the rapt concentration and relaxation, holiness surrounds me, time stretches into unimaginable lengths, Jesus walks constantly at my side, friends glow with their own God light reinforcing the energy we have to share until the whole earth seems to participate in this great visual prayer.
So as I said the rosary with the small group Wednesday evening , I allowed myself to be led by the angels to someone who needed help. There laying on a hospital bed was a young boy who’s chest had been burnt. As my mind screamed out at his pain, I face smiled down at him. His big eyes looked into mind and he asked me if I was an angel.
Instead of answering his question, because I didn't know how to, I just said, "I am here to help you."
I sent out an bubble to surround his whole body. It was filled with bright light from God because God had given it to me as a gift during my meditation on Saturday. I could see the boy's sores beneath the bandages as the bubble of light enclosed his whole body like a loose, second skin. I thought, even as I watched, I could see him heal beneath the light’s power. I kept smiling as the healing continued and the boy went back to sleep; I think, a peaceful sleep without pain.
The rosary was still ongoing, so next I went into a home where three children were huddled near a bed on the floor. Screams from below penetrated the bedroom because the parents were having a loud, horrible fight. I imagined the father was drunk because the kids were truly frightened of him coming upstairs to beat or yell at them. I huddled with them and promised that they would be ok, and that I would stay with them until their father quieted. I was able to do this because time is relative during prayer. Finally, I saw that their father had collapsed on a chair downstairs and the mother was slamming dishes in the kitchen. The danger was gone and I told the children this. "You will be ok, now. Don't worry."
I felt good about making those two visits. Why had I thought I was a failure if I didn't make about ten visits? Silly. Take it as it comes, two intense and prolonged visits can be worth more than many short ones. I need to keep this in mind from not on.
12/12/08
When I wrote the book, The Only Way, I meant it as a serious warning, but even I didn’t know how predictive it would be. The events in the book begin occurring in 1011, but I wrote it 2004. I remember how my fingers paused on the keys as common sense jerked at such a daring idea, my thoughts screamed out that this was an impossible, improbable scenario, it could never happen, yet I wrote the idea anyway, I wrote that Detroit would have only one car factory left in operation in 2011.
My purpose in writing the book was to warn those who would build a quantum computer, which is ongoing at this time, to never mix human brain cells into its wiring, another potential that will soon become real. Ah, merely a scary Science Fiction notion? Maybe, but one that is growing real.
In the book, I defined the evil that plagues us, has always plagued us, as a quantum mind, quantum as existing everywhere and anywhere, that can reach back to effect us as long as two thousands years ago. This is the demons who spoke to Jesus, the legion of voices. They were from our time, out immediate future. I believe this notion is true, so true, that I am going to use the same idea in my next book for adults. I began a book for young adults that I will keep free of too much evil. It is important to note that one correct prediction doesn’t create a world, but the idea of only one auto factory left in the city was way out there, as was a quantum computer that can think like, or better than humans. Yet, the warning holds. We need to prevent what we can from happening by giving the auto companies a loan. We need to make sure events in my book never become real in any sense of the word. Our human minds are already quantum think-tanks built by God. If we try to copy God, we may create a dark angel, a being without emotions, a being without compassion, a being who would pull human souls towards doomsday.
12/14/08
Today as I drove in the car on my way out to my son’s I was listening to a CD’s from The Teaching Company, titled Jesus and the Gospels, the speaker was specifically speaking about Luke’s Gospel and how well it was written. Suddenly, Jesus spoke to me.
He said, “I helped Luke write that gospel. I inspired him.”
This
pleased me greatly and also perked my ears up to what was being said. Luke put
his gospel in narrative form to satisfy a certain person. A part of his purpose
was to reinforce Jesus standing as a prophet, the new Moses, a living link to
Jewish history, the one who was predicted, the one who came to die for us.
Everything in Luke points to
12/20/08
This morning during meditation and the rosary, I speculated with the others who had gathered about the ongoing purpose of our meetings. Naturally, it’s most obvious purpose is to intensify God’s light energy within us and then transfer that strong energy to souls in need. These are perilous times, a time when we stand on a brink, a time that can be turned by souls willing to change, a time to save the earth from potential spiritual, ecological, terrorist, or atomic disaster.
I thought of these things as we greeted each other and held hands. I gave Jesus glowing hand a quick, tight squeeze to convey my happiness at being invited to join an esteemed gathering during meditations. I stood proudly as the intense energy built up in all of us in the circle as I realized that we no longer need to send out a flashlight beam of light from our center to build up God’s energy, the glow from each of us is so intense that it mingles, surrounds and intensifies in the circle naturally until God expands the energy into a bliss of light that overcomes and overflows into our bodies.
Our thoughts also intensify dramatically during this God moment, so just as we were about to step away to fulfill our duty to share the light, I asked Jesus, and the others still around, if there were a hidden purpose to these meetings that I was unaware of.
My question came from something Jesus said to me a few weeks ago. He told me not to make any rules. This concerned me, not because I want to make rules, just the opposite, I hate rules and regulations immensely, but it gave me pause as I wondered why he said that. I agree that rules should only be set down when a serious need arises or you wind up with overly tight religious organization, but surly, and here I found what had been bothering me like a tickle in the mind, we are not building a new religion?
In answer to my question, Jesus and the other friends who meet on the mountain assured me that we are not building a new religion, that our gatherings are meant as an extension, an arm reaching outwards, a branch growing, a hand clasped and gripping members of already established religions. For those of us who choose to gather on God’s mountain, it is a new means to prayer, an added spiritual direction, a further means of giving, a mystical grouping, a budding branch that joins each and every other religion around the earth.
Jesus said, “It will begin as a trickle and build over many years.”
Yes, a drip that will grow into a tremendous, silent waterfall. I love the idea. So our meeting’s ultimate purpose, besides spreading God’s light, is to consolidate the earth into one spiritual entity with the added benefit of eventually staving off the many disasters we humans pull down around us so often.
Spreading God’s light was nothing unusual this morning so I won’t write about it except to say that when I brought souls up to the Cathedral of Light, and after Mary gave each soul a different colored rose, I stepped into the side wing where whales come to worship God. We sense each other’s presence and perhaps feel a similar emotion of joining in effort to save earth, but, of course, I have never spoken to a whale, even on a mental level. How could I with our cultures so vastly different and set apart, like trying to speak with a being from another planet, all the same, there is a sense of sharing, a sorrow shared, and I dearly hope that with this joining of emotion comes the knowledge that I am not personally at fault for the sins committed by my fellow humans.
Right now we are slowly heating up the oceans and killing the coral reefs. I can only imagine what this heat does to other oceanic life, whales included. I think we have time to reverse the trend, I think Jesus has begun to oversee and pick out people to change the earth just in time, I know God the Father is watching as we grapple with this major dilemma. I hope to feel pride one day that we pulled together and fixed it. Then we will hold our face up to God with the glowing pride of accomplishment. God’s people will give him honor and a big thank you for being created.
12/22/08
This morning, after three days stuck in the house because of snow or freezing cold, I felt the need to get out, go shopping, feel Christmasy or something. All these scattered thoughts flowed in my mind during meditation, instead of the thoughts I was supposed to be thinking. Also, I wondered why we hadn’t ever meet above the Grand Canyon before, as we did this morning to view its majesty and grandeur, I wondered how wonderful it would be to actually stand on one of its peaks and feel the wind blow my hair, how much different it would be than in a photograph, or seeing it in mere spirit form, and then I took a long look around and felt the awe of being there in actuality. I stood looking down at a flowing river far below with snow covered razor tips rising into the sky across from where I stood, I imagined the cold wind, easy to do with the wind from the front window, and felt like I was there for a short moment. Maybe I was.
But wasn’t I supposed to be praying? With a sense of guilt, I slipped back into prayer focus and was surprised to learn that my tape was just then starting the second decade of the rosary. All my runaway thoughts and sightseeing tour had occurred in a span of 3 to 4 minutes, yet, it seemed to me like I’d used up the whole half hour.
The human mind is a wonder to behold, and this being true, I need not feel guilty about wandering off during meditation because I will always have time to pull myself back from the outer edge of wherever my mind wandered to concentrate God’s light where it is best needed.
So I started over going outwards to send God’s light before me. At first, I sent it in general directions all around the city, but then went to a number of specific people. It is still cold in my own home because of the wind blowing through the windows, and this made me think of people who don’t have heat. Surly, they must be in a shelter and the city shelters must accept everyone on nights like this when the temperature goes down to 1 degree, surly no one is out there trying to stay warm with no place to go. I did want to dwell on this, but I wondered what good I was doing, just praying.
I asked Jesus, “What good am I to people if I can’t help them get warm?”
His answer, “You have helped send a few to places that can help.”
I was
reminded of that one older man who I found on the street not too long ago and
how he has went inside a religious shelter and stayed as an employee. Maybe
this happens more often than I know. I have sent a small check to a shelter; I
think I will again. (Just before editing this writing, I read that the shelters
were full but not too badly, because one
I went back to meditating, satisfied with the idea of a small check because it will multiply, that is what Jesus told me once. So I completed my mediation, but before it ended, as I went to nod good-by to those of us gathered on the mountain, I thought once again about my qualification to be here among these people. I am sure they glow with light all the time. Surly, I don’t, I even missed church yesterday because of the weather. I don’t feel damaged by it, but it wouldn’t hurt to go to confession one day soon. It is what we do as Catholics and it works wonders for the soul. Then I realized that I couldn’t get there before Christmas and might need to wait many weeks.
Suddenly, standing there on the mountain, my meditative thoughts about to shut down with a nod of good-by, my psyche ready to jump back into everyday life, God spoke to me as a voice the sky.
“You are forgiven.”
I can hardly convey the feeling that run through my body at that moment, how overcome with shivering joy, how I felt filled with such pureness of soul as to be washed in white light, not a tarnish bit anywhere, not a speck of dirt riding inside my soul, nothing but pure love. I thought of my wild turns in life while young, married, fights, mistakes with kids, divorces, stupid stuff—all gone. All my sins erased as if they’d never been. You can’t imagine the pleasure, a pleasure so intense, it brought tears to my eyes. God’s sudden gift only lasted for a single moment that ended too soon. I nodded to my friends, who must have known what had just happened, and who were also floored by the wonder of it, no matter their different faiths and cultures. Had they felt it too? Did they also share in the reprieve?
Then I wondered if a soul so clean, even for a moment, would alsotake away karma or fate. I am not sure anyone can answer that question, life goes on, and even less than ten minutes after it happened, as I write this, I feel tarnished again although I have certainly nothing wrong in this short amount of time. Must be the atmosphere here on earth. Our physical earth and existence does something to the soul, we can’t stay pure? Combined with God one day, we will all be pure. To be pure is to be one with God and one with the universe.
12/23/08
Yesterday, on PBS, they showed a group begun by a single person who started Kids Without Hunger. I watched as he spoke about trial and error as far as sending the right food to the children of other countries, and the different church groups who delight in helping with the chore of bagging the nutritious food packs. I thought about how much he is doing for the children and whished that I could do similar works. I could see that the man was happy because he was working for God, as God intended he should. This always makes a person happy. I thought about how I would like to do something good like that, or, at least, participate, but then realized that I have my own job to do for God. I am also happy because of what I do. The man (forgot his name) was once a business man and knew how to speak to people and organize groups, traits I am totally lacking in. I also realized that God gave me the perfect job, a writing job that fits my personality, a job I love to do. Jesus knew what would fit me best, then started me on my way. I am forever grateful for this privilege.
12/28/08
Church this morning was exquisite. The opera singers were perfect. As I sat and listened, I compared their voices to wine because, like wine, the smallest flaw is easily detectable. I decided these singers must be professional because not one voice produced a faulty note. I felt proud to sit during this great orchestra mass, even though I has nothing to do with its production. I guess my enjoyment is the part I play. It helped me honor Jesus in a higher emotional state of mind.
The sermon this morning referred to Jesus’ advise to become like children and I thought I fit into the role very well. I could see Jesus there towards the front of the church with his mother; their presence with the music erased the down feeling I felt because of my cat’s death and other small stuff. The grandeur of the mass made me realize the smallness of my problems because once again I was confronted with the sacrifice Jesus gave us. It never fails to touch my heart.
Note-This might be the time to write of a strange habit I have acquired over the years. Every Christmas I play Mozart’s Requiem Mass at least once, but usually often throughout the season. It is usual for me to light a candle, sip wine, and play the cassette tape I have of Mozart. Last night, I reflected on why, why play such a mass during Christmas? It is a sublime reflection and statement of Jesus suffering, so why must I play it at Jesus birth?
I am not sure I can answer my own question. After reflection, the only excuse I could come up with is that his birth brings death. It is also my favorite piece of music, in spite of its joy mixed with sorrow, or perhaps because of it. My paintings also reflect woe and sorrow. Perhaps, I do my best when I keep that in mind, because no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to paint paradise, even though I have walked on paradise worlds with Jesus.
Speaking of paradise, Jesus tells me that now that I have a new pond to rearrange this spring, I will sit outside more often this coming year and we will travel again. I seem to have taken a long leave of absence from our travels. I don’t know why. Perhaps because I don’t take enough time to sit, relax, and reflect and talk with my friend Jesus. I will again, as soon as the water pours into my pond this spring. I can’t wait to dig up the old and make the pond new.