5/6/10 note-my web pages got messed up somehow. I didn't notice it until just recently. I lost, or someone has taken it out, all my raw notes. I was able to get back Jan of 2010 and my most recent notes from the last few weeks. The stories and other pages are fixed now. I can't vouch for my oldest writings of five years ago. I dare not reread them myself because I would feel a desperate need to edit. Once I dared to begin editing, I am afraid it would never end.
I will be putting a new novel on my home page called Earth Angels. It is fiction but many facts are true about the angels who visit us. The book is a simpler version of the book I intend to write one day. I will put a notice here within the next few weeks when Earth Angels will be available for purchase.
May is the month of Mary. Here is a photo
of a statue of Mary crying.
Mary is our Mother in Heaven and she cries
for us. I hope to pray more
To Mary during
the month of May.
5/1/10
Two wonderful things happened this morning during meditation. I met with Jesus near the small pool in the woods with the small water fall that I love so much, but I began to loose faith.
I asked Jesus, “How do I know it is you?” What if you are the trickster imitating Jesus?”
Jesus answered with such words that a thrill ran through my body and dispelled every worry and every doubt, defining words that I will never forget.
He said, ”My name is power.”
“Jesus Christ. I love you.” I said then.
He smiled knowingly.
I could feel the truth of his words, and that his name is power enough to turn things right. His words gave all of us a bouquet of hope this morning.
Jesus then said, “I want to show you something.”
Others were still with me from our gathering this morning on the mountain. We had spread God energy far and wide. I was reminded once again that God's energy can cover the whole round earth in an instant, even real light can't do that. Now, we all followed Jesus to what he wanted to show us, even the few children who had joined us.
We stood in a huge, empty desert, a place where nothing was growing as far as the eye could see. Then Jesus lifted his arm and moved it as if taking in a wide swath of the horizon. Suddenly as we watched, green shoots began to rise from the barren soil, stems and leaves covered the ground to blossom into an array of multi-colored flowers. Some of the greenery reached head height as we watched. The sudden abundance of life was movingly beautiful, as if life had been created from non-life.
Each of us understood that Jesus was using flowers to stage a different meaning—not flowers, but souls. It must be that souls were about to blossom. He is drawing souls to himself like the warmth of the sun calls a flower to reach high.
Like any garden, it first needs to be plowed and turned over to enrich the soil. The severe problems many people are living through right now may be the best to call for help from on high, to think of heaven. A call to arms, so to speak, a battle to be won inside a person's soul. Desperate times can compell a person to turn towards God, or deliberately away. More often, hitting bottom teaches us to look up, to conquer our fears, and wants. When everything else is gone, only God is left.
I know this from my own experience, as do countless others. Jesus is calling people to him, gathering in souls who need comfort. Like financial disasters before this, I suspect that it will all balance out soon, but it is the way of the world that it will happen again, and heaven will need to comfort the beaten and battered souls of that era too.
5/8/10
I wasn’t in the mood for prayer this morning because I had a lot on my mind that I forgot to set aside before I began to meditate and say the rosary. It didn’t matter. God reached down and took hold of me to fill me with his energy and light. As if to wake me up from a long sleep. I felt the light pour out of me to shine through the buildings and over the horizon from where I sat, catching souls in need of nourishment. The light is invisible but our souls can see and feel this awesome energy and wallow in its warmth. It is a reminder, a nudge on the shoulder to a few souls that God hasn’t forgotten them and to others that God is helping carry their burdens.
It is important that we shine our light. Many people glow with light at certain times. You know who you are, simple, ordinary everyday people who act kind and give what you can to others. Any action that spreads good will and hope is based in God because God is our hope.
5/11/10
I don’t usually write about my personal life in these notes, but I had such a wonderful Mother’s Day that I just need to write about it. Two of my sons, one son had to work, came over with their families and ploughed my garden spot, fixed my computer, moved logs I intend to carve, cut grass, and pulled weeds. My granddaughter cooked, her husband cut the grass, and my daughter-in-law pulled weeds while grandchildren and great grandchildren ran with my dog Kali or played in the field.
The sun had come out just enough to keep everyone warm. It was one of those perfect days that we don’t have very often. I said I need to gather everyone together again in June when my roses bloom, but these days, with everyone so busy going and coming and working, it is hard to get people together in one spot. So I felt doubly blessed Sunday and I thanked Jesus heartily for the good day too. I had been afraid that the cold spell would ruin the day, but he told me “It will be warm enough.”
Some may think it strange that Jesus would promise me such a mundane thing as good weather, but the gospel reading on that same Mother’s day helps me explain why. In John 14:17:
(
The spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it sees him not, nor knows him. But you shall know him; because he shall abide with you and shall be in you.
Or (New
American Bible)
the Spirit of truth whom the world can never accept since it neither sees nor knows him; but you know him, because he is with you, he is in you.
Or (New
Advent Bible)
The spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it sees him not, nor knows him. But you shall know him; because he shall abide with you and shall be in you.
It is the word abide that thrills my soul. Those of us who love Jesus feel him with us sometimes because he abides within us, by this I mean we have a mental connection; regardless, Abide sounds so much better than with. I think some bibles use the word dwell instead of abide. These three bibles are all Catholic, yet, they give a different flavor to the verse. Also, I don't like the way they outline half the words. I think it makes it hard to read and study. Even capitalizing he in the middle of a sentence, though it is a reference to God, breaks up the reading, so I don't do it because it is obvious who I am writing about. It doesn’t mean I respect God any less.
5/15/10
I was out planting seeds and putting in tomato plants like pepper and eggplant and so much more from the Garden Resource Program I could hardly find room for it. I hope to reap a cornucopia of vegetables soon. (After I wrote this I found out the birds ate all my small corn plants and corn seeds. Will put a net over garden soon).
Working the soil reminded me of the fruitful earth we live on. Our temperate zone is so abundant in the spring life grows in a riot of profusion, which includes weeds as well as crops. If everything goes well, I will be trying to give zucchini away, but maybe not, I saw a rabbit hopping over the new cut grass, the pheasants and other birds ate the corn seed, and other critters will take their share. No matter, I planted enough for all of us.
Surly, God must also be proud of his garden here on earth, this fertile place for souls. Does he watch us grow and receive nourishment from the soil of life? He gave us all that we need to begin. It seems as if all farmers should feel a kinship with God for this reason, they are in tune with the soil as God is in tune with us.
My cup runneth over, that is for sure, and this bountiful feeling helped me step right up to Jesus this morning without hesitation. As we stood near the rock fountain in the woods, I rubbed my fingers over the rough, gritty surface of wet rock and took a deep breath of fresh, woodsy, earth scents as they floated in the air around me. Feeling the rock beneath my fingertips usually helps me orientate myself and settle in place. This day it was easy, so we quickly went to join the others.
This morning, the glow from all those gathered made the surrounding greenery glow like emeralds and the spattering of flowers and birds became spots of ruby and amber. We nodded greetings to each other as I joined the circle. With our hands joined and as the impression of a million hands lay atop my own, I realized that this was a scene that needed to be painted. It won't be easy but I hope to give it a try soon, and fit it in with the other ten projects I want to get done.
I felt the power of each of us as we gathered, intensified by the God within and without. Suddenly, there was so much powerful energy filling me I had to burst it beyond my own self and spread it into the world. In an instant, the light-energy had filled all the space surrounding us and flowed far beyond where we stood on God’s mountain.
With energy bursting at the seems, I came back to where I live to share the light and spread it around to everyone, especially to those who haven't found peace yet. I then went to a few people I had contacted before to let them know they weren’t forgotten. I went into the hospital to encourage a baby to not be afraid. I loved the look on the baby's face as I left. I went into south America to a few former street children, now grown, and other people I have met to give them a quick smile. I came back here and just let the light energy flow as far as it could while I felt so full of God. Finally, I began to wane and nodded to the others that I was about to leave.
When God fills me with his energy I can feel it flow as if it could go on forever, the abundance of it never ceasing or stopping, but I must stop. The power is infinite but I am a finite being who can keep only so much joy and promise for a short time. It lingers as I write this but not enough to spread in expanded waves. I am content that I was instrumental in spreading the light around the earth for a few moments.
5/14/10
This evening, as I sat outside in the back yard, Jesus suggested we travel for only a short while, and we met with a few friends who wanted to go with us. I understood that they go often with Jesus but leave it to me to write about these travels. So I need to go once in a while too. Well, the weather is so nice, it is pleasant to sit outside and visit with Jesus. Tomorrow I will get my pond together again and all will be well. (Well, it didn't turn out so great. The tiny pump stopped and I still need to put the rocks in, so I need to solve a few problems, but what the heck, isn't that was life is all about?)
Tonight, Jesus took us into space. We went past the Milky way galaxy, past the cloud that hovers around earth, darkening our solar system and others. Away from the hazy cloud, we landed into a sea of wonders, an endless horizon filled with a million lights, too many for me to take in all at once. What I noticed most because I could grasp the image, was a string of pink pearls floating off in the distance.
Jesus explained to us that what looked like a string of pearls was actually planets set near each other and that the inhabitants did the mechanics. It was they who moved the planets to their current position.
Jesus didn’t tell us why the people did such a thing, but maybe it was to conserve energy or stay close to a sun?
Jesus turned us around and showed us the cloud hovering behind us.
He said, “One day, the cloud will lift and then humanity will be astounded at the wonder of their sky.”
I thought that perhaps that is what is meant at the end of Revelation, but I didn’t mention it and Jesus didn’t enlighten us further.
Thinking of all the billions of worlds, peopled with myriad of life forms, stretched my imagination almost to breaking. God’s garden is vast and unfathomable. I wondered about the people who lived where on planets without the haze hanging over their world, at color of bright sky they might see all the time. Then, I thought about our own plants, how some plants need 8 hours of light but other plants can tolerate shade. We people on earth are like the shade loving plants, we couldn’t live in such splendor for very long.
What we saw was brighter and more colorful than photos from our telescopes. Light flowed, it waved and sparkled and glowed incandescent in many areas. Some areas were less intense and I realized that nothing could be have total intensity all the time, and the background of dark complemented the brightest areas.
In all, it was a very short trip, as travels go, but we had stepped far beyond visual telescope range and perhaps beyond time as we know it. It was too beautiful for me to take in all at once. Think of what the Hubble shows us, this was more grand, if you can imagine it. Truly God’s garden is a wonder to behold.
Speaking of gardens, how about this pheasant and rabbit I
found in mine.
I guess I need to grow enough for all of us.
5/16/10
I have been going down the street to St. Hyacinth Church because it is a block from my house. I think it began when the weather was bad or I was sick. I go to the early mass even though it is in Polish because it is small and intimate, though people still sit scattered around in the pews. The choir and male singers are so good, I don't care what language they use for the songs. Also, I have noticed Father Iwan sincerity and dedication as he says mass, even when only a few people are in the church.
This Sunday, when father held up the large round host, I could see a soft glow around it, this was different than the long, stabbing rays I saw once spilling from the host. This glow was so soft and defuse, I almost missed it. Jesus clued me in and smiled when I noticed it.
Love or Jesus poured out of me towards the hosts but the real event is the love that poured out to all of us present at the mass. A miracle happens at every mass and we should always stay aware of that fact. I am reminded of the miracles throughout the years that revolve around the communion hosts, their glow stopping oxen in their tracks, healing a person’s body and mind, dripping blood or turning into Christ’s actual flesh. It is this last miracle that bothers me a little because Jesus flesh swells the hosts and turns it yellow until it does look like real alive skin inside the golden chalice.
One time, when I saw a close-up photo of the host turned into flesh, I shivered, but Jesus spoke explaining it to me.
He said, “There are many instances of the hosts turning into my flesh and blood, and every sample has the same DNA, mine.”
I am sure this is true, but I doubt if any priest would allow such a theory to be tested because the host is holy, but who needs a test? Most of us already know and believe and receive communion when we can. This day, the glow from the host came into me as it did all others receiving it.
5/17/10
I put my new book on my home page, A Cloud of Earth Angels (changed name). It is a full length novel about angels interacting on earth and specifically a young girl who grows up with angel talent and uses that talent in a final crises. I enjoyed writing it. I give the first three chapters and then ask for $2.00 for the whole book, a price anyone can afford. Well, I don’t expect to get rich, that is for sure.
I am starting a non-fiction book about real angels. I know a great deal about angels and want to share this information; though, I did come up with a quandary right at the beginning of my notes, and stopped, to think if I should continue. Do I know enough to write a book? Dare I write a book about angels? Finally, I asked Jesus because I came across something I might need to know but didn’t.
Jesus said, “You will have what you need when you need it.”
So that settled that. Jesus will help me when I confront something I can’t answer. Jesus talked as if I had already written the book, and perhaps I have, time is fickle. One thing I already know, my most challenging dilemma will revolve around our mythic notions of angels, often wrong, compared to real angels. This is why I decided to call my book, Real Angels. But don’t expect it for a long while, I have too many ongoing projects right now. Why? I like to keep busy, or keep a busy list. This time, I think I might be over doing it. Still, I will be ok if I imitate Jesus and take it slow. None of my projects need to get done right now. No one is waiting for any of it. There is no hurry; I have the rest of my life to accomplish it all.
5/21/10
Six o'clock in the morning, and I was sitting outside listening to the birds and watching the squirrels, far too many of them for one area, and thinking of all the time I seem to waste doing nothing. I felt a strong urge to get out the ink and pen to draw the tree in front of me. It is beautiful, of course, and I have always liked ink drawings. So I added another project to my list, 3 books, 2 sculptures, 3 paintings, 1 drawing and the garden. Now, all I need to do is get up off my duff and get some of these projects done. Need to clean the house first and take care of the yard. It is one of those days when I wish I had a new, lithe body bounding in energy. Ha.
Instead of doing any of that, I began to meditate and pray. A nice way to begin any day. The scene during meditation is something I want to paint, thousands of hands joined, one on top of another, gathered in a circle on God’s mountain. Evidence that this circle and meeting is God orientated: Lack of limits.
A meeting without limits, just as God's light-energy is limitless, just as the universe in limitless, just as time flows around in a limitless cycle, just as the mind, even our human one, can reach unlimited distances in a blink of the eye, all this evidence of God in the world and everywhere beyond.
Ok, I am getting sappy. I prefer to say interesting things, and this too comes from God. All I need do is gather the threads of information from the unbounded and infinite Source of all. Some days begin so beautifully they explode the mind and soul. This is one of those days.
5/22/10
I realized something important this morning during meditation, it is that although we keep finding new truths, and everyone finds their own, there is one truth that holds steady, one that is basic to all else, and that is God. God is the Source where everything from rocky worlds to suns to breathing life is constantly renewed in cycle of birth and death within God’s imagination, God’s mind, God’s power.
Sometimes I ask, what is real, what is illusion, what is the basic reality because strange things and events abound in our world, especially those things we neglect to pay close attention to, parts of the bible that we don't like, UFO beings lifting people through a ceiling or wall, even the hidden fact of UFOs, and coincidences that seem impossible, but aren’t such as the ability of some to use their minds to speak, reshape matter, miracles with Jesus' communion host, myths that call out to us, archetypes that keep us wondering and spellbound….
We can’t hold on to many of these questions. Easier to let them go and move on with life. This works for most everyone, but through it all, there is God holding down the fort, God keeping things running for us as if we are mere babies who still needed to be coddled and nurtured. I guess we are.
5/26/10
We went traveling this evening, Jesus, myself, and a few friends from distant lands. We walked up the sky tunnel to the edge and faced a yawning purple/dark space that was billowing in and out like a sheer curtain in the wind. For some reason, my mind was already imagining places to go and see and this bothered me. Some of this was memory and it all became jumbled together.
With Jesus’ nod, I said, “I don’t know where to go.”
Jesus turned as he stood exactly on the edge and faced all of us. “Let me explain something to you.” He said.
“If you can imagine it, it exists. It must make some kind of sense but all things are possible and potential in the vast infinite universe.” Then he laughed, “Even pink trees.”
At his words, my mind felt more jumbled than ever. Finally, my friend said, “I'll use my imagination for a place where we can travel.”
We followed him off the edge of the sky tunnel into the vast unknown and stepped onto an Indian blanket? No it was a long, straight road with the bricks made into a design that looked like an American Indian motif. The road went as far as I could see over the horizon. All else was stark desert, as if the fact of the road itself was the closest thing to aliveness on the world. I learned this wasn’t true as we walked down the road towards the purple mountains in the far distance. So far the colors of bright yellow sun, white blazing sand, peacock cloudless sky, and misty purple mountains filled the whole scene with calm and the only thing that jarred the senses was the road pattern with its deliberate design. Even so, its bricks, though patterned, were colored in earth tones.
We eventually walked past a few huge, pink boulders and abruptly confronted a paradise palace standing supreme in the midst of empty desert, its central peak glowing at us like a second sun. It was a step temple made out of pure gold that glistened and spread the sun’s rays all around into the green trees and flowers, a million flowers, with some beds set in geometric order. Some were not ordered but seemed to deliberately resemble the mischief of nature. With everything so organized, I wondered where the people were hiding. The city or worship center was empty. It was completely surrounded by a wall of stone decorated in the same deliberate pattern as the road, though it looked more pinkish.
There was green grass, cut short as if mowed which seemed impossible because everything here looked primitive. They might have used goats or some other animal like I'd seen on other worlds. I walked up to one young tree that seemed to glow pink, remembering what Jesus had said about pink trees. It wasn’t pink. Its bark was a deep red and the tree with lighter leaves set against dark red sand inside the city made it look pink in the sunlight. Why was the sand red here? I think because much of the city was in shadow from the boulders, but glowing from the reflected light of the peak. The sand beyond the city was light. Perhaps the red sand of the city was part of its deliberate design.
We went back to the road the way we came in and finally saw some people. They had dark red skin and were walking in a group down the road towards the city in strict order, set up like bowling pins. They looked very human to me.
I asked Jesus if they were humans from earth.
He answered, “No,” then added that we were not visiting a future world but a very primitive one.
Right
away I thought of Mars or one of the older cultures of
Looking down from the vantage point of the sky, (This is easily done when mind traveling) we saw that the road with its meticulous pattern kept going past the curve of the horizon all the way to the sea, a great distance from the golden palace. There stood a small village filled with a lot of people moving around. They looked to be acting normal so I surmise that the strange group of people we saw on the road might have been doing some kind of religious ritual. Where the village met the sea, I saw a lot of small and large wooden boats, a few with odd shaped sails. I wondered at such people and how they could look so human.
Jesus reminded us that evolution often ran in similar fashion on different worlds, the same set of circumstances would grow the same type of beings, with slight variations. In other words, a tree would have leaves, just shaped slightly different? People too.
By now, my head was too filled with questions and the wonder of it all, and I was ready to leave. I thanked Jesus and my friend for finding such a nice place and we nodded our goodbyes.
5/29/10
All of Earth is God’s mountain. I realized this, probably for the hundredth time, just as I began to meditate this morning. I joined the others in a circle and more people came until we had a cloud of hands, arms and bodies all spiritual, all calling to God in their own way, and own language. This is the new way of knowing God, an extension of what ever religion we follow, an enhancement of our beliefs and understanding, a further step into God’s light-energy. This is the move Jesus wants us to move towards. There is no hurry. It is a slow progressive way of gathering everyone together from all around the earth. Where once we were completely separate, our minds separated by the physical boundaries of body and place, today we grow closer with communications undreamed in ages past. Phones and the internet has jumbled us together in odd ways. Now, if we choose, and with our minds in worship mode, we are able to join together in new ways, even step across vast areas of land in an instant or reach out into the universe.
All this because God still loves and cares about us. Amazing but true: God still interacts in human affairs. Listening to the people in Genesis who believed in a God who could reach down and do things. I wondered if it is just for those of us who love him or does he step in for everyone once in a while and they just don’t notice it? It pleases me greatly every time I recognize his foot print on an event. It makes me feel whole and beautiful to know that God is so close by, even for an instant. People who don’t see this are missing out on so much in life. I find it delightful every time I witness it, no matter how small an act.
Yesterday, was one of those tiny acts. I went into wal-mart to buy flowers for my angel statue and saw a plastic swimming pool for sale. Just the other day a friend and I were talking about getting the dogs a pool, but didn’t know if they were available or what they cost. E said she couldn’t afford one but wanted one badly for the dog.
What is amazing is that I wasn’t sure what size I wanted and the sales girl went to the pools with me. When I picked it out, she grabbed it and put it into the basket. We squeezed it into my car and went I got home and pulled it out, there were two pools instead of one. One pool is for my friend. I didn’t steel it. It just worked out that way. God did it. Besides it only cost $10.00. Hardly worth anything unless you are penniless and can’t afford to buy it. So now I can give my friend’s dog a pool and won’t feel guilty having one for Kali while her dog goes without. Nice work God.
He smiled as I realized this yesterday because on the way home I listened to the cd of Geneses where God intervenes in many women’s lives to give them babies. The bible is full of women God helped and God intervening in lives. As I listened, I believed that God still steps in when he wants to, but couldn’t think of any specific instances. Then I got home, pulled the pool out of the car, and found out God had put a footprint in my life again. Sort of a playful joke saying “See I still do things like that.” Ha. I love it and laughed heartily.
5/30/10
In church this morning, during his sermon, Father reminded me of something I had almost forgot: That the Trinity was always with and of God, even before Jesus Christ, who was born as a manifestation of it. It reminded me of something I realized many years ago. It is that we, made in the image of God, also mirror his trinity. We are three parts, soul, mind, and body. God made us to be a reflection of himself. That we often fall below this grand image, belongs to our own lack of understanding and faults. God made us to be perfect—alas we are far from it.
This also reminds me of something I understand about the angels. When it is said that they sing praises to God all day and night and all the time, what it means, to put it in modern terms, is that their minds are in constant communication with God. To communicate mentally with God is to praise him, whether it be thoughts, songs, or silent knowing. Actually, none of this is surprising, what is astounding is that God communicates and interacts with us on this little ball of rock rolling spinning around a minor sun in the vast universe. Now that is worth a thank you or two.
5/30/10
As I followed Jesus
this evening, the light from the sun flickered atop my closed lids, growing
after images behind my lids, but they were nothing compared to what the real
light of God that gave me. Of course, God is the sunlight too which serves as
an apt metaphor and step towards understanding. This much I
know, God is golden. As I moved forward, and this part was so strange I
can hardly relate it, the stars flowed past my body as if I were walking in a
river of rainbow syrup with sparkles and streamers rolling around me. I kept walking,
pushing through the viscous substance, Jesus leading me by his presence until
it began to rain. The rain consisted of drops of golden liquid and the further
I progressed, the more it rained until I plowed
through a heavy mist. It was at this point that I knew exactly where I was
heading—Inside God’s fountain. I took a few more steps and became one with the
golden sprout of solid rain, I saw Jesus as the whole of the fountain for a
moment and then I was so much a part of it I was no longer me. I had expanded
to encompass various peoples and living objects spread around the universe.
Even intermingled with God’s, my own mind was much to feeble to hold the stance for long. I fell away from the center of the fountain to stand in the misty rain once more. But I noticed something I had never noticed before while I watched.
I said to Jesus, “This is the Source, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” he answered.
I was dumbfounded. One night, with Jesus and Mary as my guide, I had stood far outside the Source and watched in wonder as everything flowed from its mouth, everything thing was born and reborn in a constant rebirth. I remember a silver cornucopia spewing life and matter into the universe.
Now, I had stood as part of God’s Golden Fountain, rather the Fountain was still a part of me. Giant size, I stepped my foot, a golden spirited foot, down into an abandoned house and then took my next step through the roof of a house with bad stuff going on, so I have been told. It won’t last long, the people of the neighborhood will see to that. I think I may have helped. Who can withstand God’s golden spirit filling their house. I walked a few more paces before I shrank to normal size, sitting once more in my chair in the back listening to my tiny pond sputter.
I felt so happy. Of course, the perfect day and evening helped. Also, I had put up my angel sculpture made out of plastic netting. It is meant to hold flowers that will vein up to cover its whole surface. I shall call it the Farnsworth Angel because it will watch over us. Jesus has already blessed it. The church gave me Easter Lilies That I planted around it and hope will come up next year and I gladiolas to circle in front and clematis to cover its body. It should look beautiful before too long and I’ll put its photo here.