Begging Jesus for forgiveness.
11/4/12
Least anyone think I am special or good, I am about to write about the selfish act I committed yesterday. My mind was rolling in guilt and shame as I went to church this morning because I had turned my back on one of Jesus main commandants. At first, even being at church didn’t make me feel better because that same commandment was mentioned in the gospel.
What happened was this. A man I know who often comes in the neighborhood looking for work knocked at my door. He asked if I had any work and suggested he rake my front lawn. I really didn’t care if my front lawn got raked, so told him no, that maybe he could come back another time.
“I don’t even have a dollar in my purse,” I told him.
This was sort of true, but I did have two $5.00 bills stashed behind my check book for emergencies. As soon as I closed the door, Jesus reminded me of this fact. I should have opened the door and called the man back, but I didn’t. I hesitated too long before I decided I should, and then he was gone.
The first ideas that my mind played with were my excuses. I rationalized that he seemed to like me too much last time and I wanted to discourage him because I thought he might be a substance abuser. The next rationalization was that he wasn’t homeless. The next excuse was that he always dresses nice so must have some kind of income. I didn’t really have any work for him, etc. Plus, I can’t give to everyone, I said to myself, and then to Jesus.
Jesus agreed that I couldn’t. That’s when the guilt began to sink in. I knew that I was trying to push my stinginess under the rug to hide it. I had been wrong and should face it. I could have let him rake my yard and paid him the five dollars. I wouldn’t miss the money and he must have needed it or he wouldn’t have asked to do the work. Shame took over. I couldn’t shake off the guilt even though Jesus wasn’t accusing me of anything.
Finally, after the gospel, I asked Jesus to please help me somehow to make up for what I had done. After all, that man might have been Jesus too. Also, I kept rolling the story Father Thomas told us in my mind. A story about St. Francis of Assai who said that we should leave even the holiest of prayers to help a beggar at our door. I felt so ashamed.
Jesus told me how I could make up for it. He told me to write what had happened.
He said to me, “You are only human.”
So there it is. I think Jesus wants people to know how we all falter. Even someone like me who talks to Jesus as a friend can’t always do right. I am as weak as the next person. Amazing that Jesus forgives me, forgives all of us, over and over again. I wonder if I will ever become really good? Not while on this earth, I don’t think.
Note-I reread what I wrote last week and realize I might have given the impression I am not long for this world. I meant to imply that the most serious danger lurks 10 to 20 years from now and, by then, I expect to be with Jesus in heaven. I turn 70 this year and fifteen or twenty more of them will be quite enough.
Sunset near house
I just got a new camera and expect to take many more photos
11/3/12
I wonder what Jesus thinks as he steps here and there around the world taking our spiritual temperature. I assume the vast majority of people are good and kind, at least, to the people they know. The problem is that we are swept up in systems we don’t know how to change. Compare the person of great wealth living apart, high on a hill, so to speak, with a homeless man sitting on a cold curb who’s tennis shoes have holes in the sole. The two could never meet. Both are locked into their separate roles. Jesus must see the complexity of such situations. And only Jesus knows the heart of each man, if they’ve been kind or stingy or ….
Such differences abound and I can’t imagine how even Jesus could wade through it all. What does he think? What is his purpose? Does he say the right word here and there to perhaps create some kind of action that reverberates through the system? Perhaps like the chaos of a butterfly wing’s movement on the other side of the world effecting our weather? Ah, all questions that I probably couldn’t understand the answer to if Jesus were to tell me. Everything moves on, grinding slowly and powerfully, crushing and turning and morphing into tomorrow. I think I am ready to write a poem.
11/4/12
I tend to
see the world differently than those who write the news or push policy. I see it
as the age old battle between good and evil. I see the growing divide as a
deliberate attempt to conquer souls, like the famous saying—divide and conquer.
We in
Why else
would Jesus be willing to step down onto earth in physical form? It wasn’t just
to buoy up my own faith. I suspect it has something to do with preserving the
values of
We must not push the poor under the rug, must not let the infrastructure collapse, must not hinder solutions to global warming, must not continue towards a plutocracy, and must not stop teaching all the children. Imagine if all that political money had been spent on higher education?
As far as I know, not many people read what I write on this web site, but I still want to state my opinion for the future. Although, I am unknown for now, Jesus tells me he will give me a voice one day. I believe the solution is to keep pushing against a take-over by the rich and powerful, those who are spreading lies as a means to keep their wealth. Let’s all keep in mind that the rich became that way because they live in a great nation. Plus, I suspect they enjoy the hard work they do in the financial markets or as CEOs and should not call other people lazy or cry about giving more of what they earn to lift up their own nation.
City life (one of my better paintings)
11/8/12
The people spoke up against big money. That is the way I see the election results. Mitt Romney seemed like a good man, but he was judged by the company it kept. President Obama will be tougher and more determined this time around and I think he can make great strides to improve what needs fixing. I don’t know a lot about the Fiscal Cliff, but I do know something about the challenges the government will face in the coming years regarding unusual emergencies. The government needs to be prepared with enough funds to help people in serious disasters. It is becoming obvious that record-breaking major disasters are happening every one or two years. They will keep coming.
I have been told to: “Stay where you are.”
I intend to
do just that. The angels know that my house will be standing in future years. I
laughed at their warning. “Well, our
Their answer was, “Stay where you are.”
One of the
worst things about disasters is the lack of information getting to the people.
The government needs to find a way to communicate with people during such
disasters. I remember the time when the whole eastern part of the
Took this photo of
the fog from my front porch
11/23/12
I just read that an international group, Interpol, rescued 400 children from slave labor in the mines in west Africa. This is such wonderful news. As I read the news in Friday’s Free Press, Jesus smiled at me. I began to wonder if he influenced the rescue in some way. Some of the children were only six years old, made to work in dark small caves with no pay or schooling. No way to run a world. The article stated that 73 people were arrested, people we consider the lowest of the low.
Jesus tells me that there will be more reports of such things around the world. Now I am sure he is instrumental in encouraging such changes. We will do it all ourselves, but he may send the thought or will to accomplish the deed. Similar to my thinking process after Jesus secretly visited our church. I got the idea that the homeless men needed long underwear. So, I asked a few what they needed most and they agreed on long underwear. When I mentioned it to our church president of the St. Vincent de Paul group, she readily agreed and bought fifty sets of long underwear for the homeless men who come to our church for breakfast. We will hand them out soon. The point is that I might not have thought of it without Jesus putting me on to the idea. This is how Jesus is working in the world at this time, spreading sunshine here and there.
He said, “More will happen. You will see.”
I now wonder if Jesus knows we will have a severe winter. Could be. Regardless, we live on a large complex world and it can’t all be fixed in a day, but my heart sings to know that Jesus is directly concerned with our most severe problems. Would that we could send him to congress.
11/24/12
I just realized that seeing Jesus in the flesh might frighten some people, that their thoughts might turn to the ideas we hold about Jesus second coming at the end of the age. Many people get end of the age mixed up with end of the world. Our world is not going to end; it will become a planet filled park one day. Regardless, Jesus didn’t come riding to earth on a huge cloud, so what’s to worry?. Seriously, even if Jesus came here because it is close to the end of the age—the age of Pisces into Aquarius, (Oddly, no one seems to know the exact date), it doesn’t mean the end is eminent. Jesus told me that we will slide through December 21st as usual, complaining about the weather.
And even if the end of the age were soon, Jesus seems to define “soon” differently than we do. I liken it to us watching an ant march toward a crumb of food that is far up the path behind a rock. We, in omniscient view, can see the ant move towards the crumb of food and see its reward. To the ant the food is a long way off. The point is that even if the end of the age were coming soon according to Jesus, it could still be thirty to forty years into our future. So don’t worry about Armageddon unless the world governments decide not to slow down global warming.
11/25/12
I felt consumed with a specific question this morning. I asked Jesus, but he told me to first come to the mountain and stand with the others. I climbed up and past the snowy peaks and contemplated the luscious view of fir trees edging towards the snow of the white ridges and peaks beneath a bright blue sky. Such an amazing world God gave us. As I stood with the others just before God filled us with light energy, I asked them what they thought. “What can I say to people that is correct, that is just in case they hear my whisper.” I know that young children can often hear my whispers, but not too many adults. Even so, I recognize that I need to be careful in what I say. The other day, I whispered to someone that global warming was truly happening. As soon as I said it, I knew I didn’t have the right to force my own convictions on someone else. Luckily, the person didn’t hear me. Yet, I floundered. What can I say to people in case they do hear me?
Jesus answered my question. He told me to say what the occasion calls for and to always be supportive and helpful. That made sense. We all decided to go to a few places and see what words work best.
We went to a young mother in the east who was deeply worried about feeding her children. We hugged her and told her to hold together for a while longer. I thought about it and was afraid to tell her that all would be well. What if it isn’t? What if she can’t feed her children? And what if she heard my words? Then I realized that the angels will take over for me to insure that certain events go well. I thought this was true and felt better.
We went to a very rich man who was busy at a desk. We knew right away he could not hear us if we spoke, so didn’t. We just sent light into his soul. Oddly, we encountered the same deafness in a homeless man who was slumped down against a building. We could feel his density and inability to hear our whisper. We surrounded him with an envelope of prayerful light. We also went to an older women in the hospital who had just received bad news about her condition. She did feel our concern and might have heard me tell her keep praying because God would forgive her.
After we got back to the mountain. I understood better about what Jesus meant. Each occasion calls for its own words and prayer. We understood that if we can encourage the human spirit, that sense of hope will often push right through the dark into daylight. God has given us built in strength, an inner spirit that is determined and hopeful.
Perhaps the most damaged people are those in such a depression that they have lost sight of these spiritual gifts from God. Even with my moody self, when I get feeling down and worthless or begin to wallow in selfishness, I still know deep down that God is with me, that Jesus stands by my side, and angels are concerned. How dare I ever be truly troubled. Faith holds and binds us to our maker, now and in the future.
11/26/12 –just wanted to complain today
We are
sweeping a lot of people under the rug and pretending they don’t exist. Better
if they disappear, and they eventually do. I hear so much talk about “The
threat of socialism.” Where and what is the threat?
How did
A corporation has no morals or accountability; even so, we depend on them for employment while a their only concern is the bottom line. A job, to most of us, equates to life. Without a means of income a person does not have much of a normal life.
I know I have been rambling and what set me off were two phone calls. One phone call was from a 92 year old lady who was in search of food. Another was from an older women who didn’t have a job but owned her home, but was trying to stay alive on just food stamps. She wanted help with her utilities. She won’t get help because she doesn’t have a job.
If you don’t have a job, no one can help you. The whole social structure depends on earning a living and those trickle down jobs from the top, a top 1% who should be contributing in some way to this great country we all live in. But guess who spreads the rumors against a more equitable system? Guess who spreads the rumors against global warming? Guess who spreads the rumors against entitlements? You got it. I say we need to stop listening to such talk and begin to use the brains God gave us to recognize we are being fed lies. We are being led like sheep to the slaughter, or a non-pay payday.
Almost everyone wants income from
work. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Higher education should be free for
everyone. An educated populous is more able to make informed decisions which
might be contrary to what money rollers want because an educated populous is less
controllable. Still, They are few; we are many. We
have the ability to move and power
11/28/12
My days have many ups and downs often going from a high spiritual awareness to saying half hearted prayers. Jesus tells me not to berate myself because this is normal, we can’t always be on a high. What is important about this is what else Jesus told me. He told me that once a person learns to step out of them self, to step with the mind and go beyond into the world or space as spirit the person never looses that ability. So it must be like learning how to ride a bike. Once you know, you never forget. This eases my mind. From now on I won’t worry if I don’t do great every day. The next step, that goes beyond sending out the spirit would be to take your body with you, a seemingly impossible ability. Yet, Jesus can do it and humans in the far future can do it. Jesus wants me to learn how. Well, I’ll give it a try and may succeed one day because the first step towards achieving such an ability is realizing that it is possible. I may have taken that first step, the next, well that’s another story.
When we pray, we are spreading God energy, or the essence of life, which I think means perfection, or a reach towards it because none of us can every be perfect like God. I see prayer as giving a boost to what we already have or need, like giving a greater aura of beauty to what is already beautiful. If we had the power to really use God energy, we could heal a physical wound because a wound is a lack of perfection. Perhaps the angels can do it, but not us, although our prayers may be able to bring a touch of peace to a troubled mind.
I thought about this as I stood with the others upon the mountain and spread God energy over the earth like a golden blanket reaching around the world and beneath the sea. Does it help enhance a life here and there. Many people believe so because they joined in our prayer, maybe a few unknowingly, as we spread the light. Even a huge whale and a few dolphins floated above us as we walked over the earth throwing the blanket out in front. As the prayer flowed around, it seemed to intensified spiritual life because God’s essence is life.
There is no place on earth without God’s spirit, and when I step into the universe and look around I wonder. I know that every planet would bring forth life if given the right conditions, but are there areas without life. Maybe so, maybe life doesn’t fill the universe. Then where is God? I think God is the potential for life, like a spring wound up tight and ready to snap open if given the chance. Yes, I think the universe is filled with God’s potential.
Jesus tells me I found an important idea this morning. It isn’t new, it is just that I rearrange it in a way I can more easily understand. If we could solidify prayer or God’s essence it would be a perfect work of art. If we take a simple blade of grass and look inside at the perfection we are amazed. Call it nature if you like, but even if we could create our own blade of grass, we would need to use substances already given to us by our own Maker. If we ever do create a intelligent computer, its mindfulness would be due to God’s ever present life spirit.