2/7/09
I didn’t do so great during meditation this morning until the end, but I can't expect to be at my best all the time. I seemed to really sink into what needed to be done when Jesus suggested that all of us join together to light up the place where people live in darkness. (We are instill in the dark as regards to who the people are and the whereabouts of the place that I call a dungeon) To get there, I imagine myself stepping down and going below but I am not sure if down is the true direction. When I got there, I saw by the glows that emanate off their bodies that the others arrived before me. With so many of us meeting on the mountain and now again in this dark place, our presence lit it up the dungeon beautifully. I see it as a cavern, brownish in color, with rough sides and ceilings, but it may look different.
All of us were beacons of light as we walked around in different directions amid dark corroders of people. Jesus walked with us and his towering presence shone with the greatest light as he hovered over the numerous small people who stood waving their hands in the air with seeming joy.
These people were small, like children, and they all looked the same. I wondered if they were cloned from the same person’s genes, but I may have not noticed differences in the dusky, thick air that surrounded them. As I walked, I thought of them as children by their size and reaction to the light I sent towards them. They held their hands into the air in praise of God’s light as thousands of them rose up high, perhaps standing on their tows to get closer to the light that Jesus carried, though they sucked in the light from all of us. Like vines reaching upward to grasp at the sun, these young ones seemed hungry, starving for light, craving its warmth or holiness. I couldn’t help wondering why couldn’t they call on God for themselves? Are they too young, too ignorant, too far away, too lost?
When
I bring it up, Jesus stays silent on the subject. It may be that we are not
ready to know because we won’t understand or refuse to know. Also, this may be
one of those subjects that Jesus expects us to learn for ourselves, then he will give us input. He used to do that to me often.
He is the teacher and I am the student; therefore, I need to learn how to ask
the right questions, like maybe, not who are they, but where in time are they?
This morning reminded me of
how easily time can be warped and stretched by our minds. When I met with the
others, it was only six in the morning, yet they greeted me readily, even a few
who I haven’t seen for a while. Representatives from every religion seemed to
join us on the mountain this morning even though it was three hours earlier for
me than usual. If the gathering can take place at any time, what of these
people we went to visit and help with God's light? When do they exist? Time is
an illusion that we humans need to keep our lives rolling smoothly, but true
reality may be something quite different.
The last time I read anything about time, quite a few years ago, the view was that time could be thought of as discrete packets, like slices in a loaf of bread. This is why I speculate that the people living in the caverns who crave God's light so badly might be in our future, a darker future than we can imagine right now. I say dark because all those little ones looked alike to me, like clones forced to live in a deep cavern, or slaves made to bend to a strict ruler, or lost ones, cut off completely from God. Until Jesus explains more, although he does explain enough to tell us it is important to bring them God's light, we are also in the dark. So, I can only speculate, and probably shouldn't because I often get things wrong. I will trust Jesus' word and continue to spread goodness if I can, and love and concern and caring and joy to any soul dying from its lack, here or there.
2/9/09
This morning, I finally felt like I had pulled myself together, I breathed in and out, relaxed in preparation for meditation, but then I bulked, I couldn't take the next step. My mind ran in circles wondering who I should pray for. I kept asking, who needs prayer most, where should I send God's light, what should I do? Silly, I know, but that is what I was feeling this morning as I sat up, wide awake, at 3: am in the morning, unable to sleep, ready to send the rosary though out the house, if no place else, ready to send forth holiness, if I could gather it up from God first, but felt stymied and caught up in a cross-currents of need coming at me from all over. And no wonder. Count the people feeling deep hurt or fear right now. Probably the only people who aren’t hurting, though they may finally be seeing a glimmer of fear, are those at the top of the income scale. With the whole nation in trouble, who should I pray for? Well, everyone, I guessed before I finally settled down.
I managed to say the rosary, and send light out into the city. Later, still awake, I wondered why I'd felt so confused. At this time of the morning, I could hardly blame my confusion on anyone else. No, the problem must lay within myself. I have watched too much television news lately and allotted to myself excessive worry, silly worry that helps no one. I'd let the woes of the world fill my mind; now I had to clean it out. Somehow, I'd fallen into the notion that I could change things—I can’t, even with God’s light pouring from my soul, I can’t. Perhaps, I can help feed souls, but I can't change outward behavior or fix people's money problems.
I remember when we used to walk in a line across the continents of the world during meditation. Did that help? I think it helped me concentrate. What if we hadn’t? Would the world situation have become even worse? Perhaps. We don’t do that anymore because we stay local as a way of concentrating our help, maybe we should start again. I will suggest it next Saturday.
I do think the world situation could have been worse. Jesus told me about the financial fall we would have back in 1998, ten years ago. He has been teaching me and others ever since, perhaps in an effort to lighten the load of what was coming. And in truth, what came was caused by sinful, greedy, and ignorant people. Well, we have had greedy people for a long time, but just recently their numbers seem to have multiplied out of proportion. I keep seeing the dark, earthen well that Jesus showed me once during a visit. Ghost souls were climbing out over the edge; I wonder now if Jesus was showing me that we are becoming infected by those harmful, ghost minds.
Well, something seems to have changed to make the world a worse place to live. Nothing to do now but pick up the pieces and get them back together. I believe our president Barack Obama will put us back on our feet, if others let him. Our President asked that we all work together, and make sacrifices; surly we can, in this modern, enlightened society. I would be willing to have my Social Security reduced by a small percentage, if that would help our country. We all need to join in and give something like people did during WWII.
2/14/09
This morning’s meditation went exceptionally well. It was Y who suggested that we spend even more time this morning in the dark cavern, carrying God’s light to those people who seem so hopeless. He is most perceptive of the atmosphere in our own world and said he thought he detected a slight change for the better that could be important for all of us. We readily agreed because, who knows, maybe those people rolling in doldrums in the dark cavern effect us in some way. Else, why would Jesus tell us it was important to keep going? They could be our own souls or doppelgangers in trouble.
I looked out the window and saw snow falling again today. Haven't we had enough snow and freezing cold? It isn't over yet, but I decided to get away from it all and meet with Jesus on a mountain that run riot in green fauna—a jungle in South America, not the cold Andes but a warm place with a lot of vines, flowers and birds, which suited my need perfectly.
All of us stood in a large opening in the
high jungle and met in a circle to ask God to give us strength enough to share
his energy. I filled with so much God energy, that when I walked back to
I
continued on up to
Jesus walked with us, the most glowing light. He walked as if in the vital center, adding to our energy as we walked outward in a flower pattern. Jesus was the center and each of us became a petal reaching deep into the darkness.
The people were so overjoyed they clung to my arms and kept hugging me, and I hugged them back. I sent God’s light further and further into the seemingly endless dark cavern. I don’t know if there is an end to it, but I tried to find it with light this day. I kept pushing forward, loving everyone in my path as they loved me, enclosing them in warmth, energy, and happiness.
This went on for a very long time until the rosary was completed and we agreed to send God's light down into the center of the earth, then up again to cover the whole of earth's globe. For one moment, the whole population of earth basked in the light-energy of God, not the his giving sunlight, but an invisible light that comes directly from heaven. Yes, this was a great start of the day. I feel so happy when I can share love.
2/18/09
I keep thinking about the bail-out money big companies are begging for or have already received. Those people played high and now they don't know how to survive on less. I and most of us have been living on less all our lives. Who do they think they are? We normal people can't even imagine what 1 billion is, let alone hundreds of billions.
Lets see: If I splurge, with 1 billion (1,000,000,000) I could buy:
New home: $250,000
New car: $30,000
Year of groceries: $3,000
Clothing: $5,000
2 more cars: as if I needed them for one body, $50,000
Vacation home: $100,000
Boat: $50,000
Give to family: $100,000
So far: $588,000. I haven't even spent a million dollars.
Ok throw in a business, for $10,000,000.
Double everything I'd buy $12,000,000.
I guess buy more business? $50,000,000.
Total $72,000,000.
I am exhausted and haven't yet spent a
billion. Guess I could add in buying or building a city or two at $100,000,000
a piece. That still means I have only spent 272 million, and I still have more
than 700 million to go. Truly, I can't figure out how to spend it. Well, I
could give it away, which fits my style, but spend it? Can't
do it. Of course, multiply me by a lot of people and we could get rid of
it easily enough. I just wanted to understand how much a billion actually is.
Sad to say, I just read an article in The Christian Science Monitor that says
the
2/17/09
I wonder if other people feel like I do sometimes. I am ashamed of all the things I didn’t do in life. I am very sorry to have missed trying them out, trying my best. I can’t help asking, What was wrong with me?
My only hope, a slim upbeat view, is that my neglectfulness or laziness or just plain dumbness, all lost out just so that I could come to this specific point in life. By this, I mean this writing for Jesus. That would mean that all those lost chances weren’t lost at all? They were just set aside. Ha, an easy way out? Dare I take it? Believe it? Why not, if it makes me feel better.
Or it may be that having already wasted most of my life, Jesus got tired of the waste and finally pushed me to do something. That sounds more like it. The chore of writing my first book did save me from myself. All I needed was the proper goal to strive for. Now I live to save souls with writing, prayer, and hope. Guess it is not a bad end for a wasted life. Jesus told me in church the other day that I will write another book about our travels. I am pleased with the idea. Again, I say, Thank you Jesus.
2/25/09
A
group in
I did hear that someone is trying to stop the cost of living raise for congress. I don’t know how much that means for them, for me, it meant about 20 extra, gratefully received, dollars each month from Social Security.
I usually try to say a rosary every day, even if I say it in parts, but during this Lent I intend to concentrate God's light onto one specific person with every rosary. I say intend because I often fail half way through the season and feel guilty about it, but then pick myself back up and retrench. I don't know why I falter. Perhaps because I expect instant results. If I pray for someone to get a job, do I expect them to get one within days?
We humans expect everything to happen quick. When we pray, we expect immediate results. In truth, even real medicine takes time to work its wonders, so certainly, prayer, which is more sublime should be given a longer run before we say it didn't work. Besides, as Jesus, and most especially Mary, The Queen of Heaven, has told me, a number of times, during those infrequent moments when she speaks, it usually isn’t the physical body that needs the greatest help, but the soul.
This sick soul may apply in more instances than we realize, or the two can go together. I have felt sick in my body lately which effects the quality of my prayer. It started with sinus and then an ear infection that I didn't take care of; until, now I need antibiotics to get well. I haven't accomplished anything worthwhile lately either, even prayer. Ah, so easy to lay blame. Now I laugh as I ask myself if I am really sick or just sick of this very long, wearing, forever, lasting icy winter.
2/23/09
Mass was beautiful as usual. I watched the alter boys and wondered at their ability to behave truly grand as they walk up the long church isle. One alter boy looked to be about three years old, but I am sure he must be at least five. He just looked younger. I hope my own grandson becomes an alter boy one day. Watching the priest and alter boys during the ritual of the mass I thought about the fact that in this church, only boys participate, as if we had stepped back in time fifty years.
Years ago, it used to bother me that only men could become priests in the church. Not too long ago, I liked seeing girls at the alter handing communion to people and serving at mass. I felt like it was fair to include women and girls in the service, and many modern churches do. Since it bothered me so much, I talked to Jesus about the subject numerous times. His answer was always the same.
“Men need it more.”
I assume he meant that it is women who have the babies, women who are noted for taking care of the sick and nourishing others. In general, women are natural caregivers. Men must learn to nourish people. Crime statistics makes this point obvious, more men fall into crime, neglect their family, murder, and rape. Although, our modern society seems to be pulling women into the crime scene more and more, I still think that it is mostly men who need to learn how to enrich humanity instead of rape it. Religion encourages a more nourishing attitude in males.
Well, that is why I tolerate seeing all the cute alter boys, young and old, in church. Their trek up the isle is a nice part of the Sunday mass, as is the great choir and the church's insistence of solemn behavior while inside the church. I agree that we should stop talking to each other and concentrate on worship for God and Jesus for at least one hour during a week.
I admit the other side also has a valid point, that Jesus seemed to be people orientated and socializing is part of what it means to be human. I usually see both sides and this tends to cause problems; I am a fence sitter who could jump off on either side. Ha
2/28/09
I felt so much better today, I was able to send God’s light further than I have before. Jesus said as I did so, “This is what I want you to do.”
I think he meant always, or just during meditation. Not sure. He wants me to feel so holy during prayer that I can share a lot of God's light with others. Sharing a lot actually feels like love, and I think that is exactly what God's light consists of—God's love energy.
I am not the only one who was bright this morning. When I met with the others, I could see their bodies glowing brightly. The whole area of the mountain where we met was alight in God energy. We actually didn’t need to call God’s light down to us; we were already filled with it. Still, I looked up and felt God wash over me like a soft breeze filling my mind and washing through my body. I felt good and stood ready to love every person on earth, and only wish I knew how.
I noticed many other people had joined us, some faces I haven't seen in a long time. They may come to the mountain often but I don’t always take notice of everyone. I apologize for this; yet, our experience is so filled with splendor that I suspect no one misses my nod.
I decided to pray for specific individuals I know or know about with each rosary this Lenten season, beginning with myself. I dedicated a whole rosary to myself yesterday to solve my own problems of stress, sickness, and feeling of general malaise. I feel much better today. I will make exception on Saturday and Sunday and pray in general.
During
meditation this morning, I filled my own home with light first before I sent it
out through
Even
so, I prayed for our President and then the Legislative Houses in
During the last decade of the rosary, I stepped down to the underground with Jesus. Because my light was so grand this morning, I felt like I lit up the whole place. I noticed that the others were also lighting up the cavern greatly. I wonder if we get better with practice because we saturated the air until it glowed like gold. It seemed to me like an x-ray, as if the small people were absorbing the light into their very bones. Wherever this place is, it filled with love this morning for many long minutes.
When we nodded farewell to each other, we first send the light around the world, underground and into the sky until the whole of earth glowed in God bliss for a moment. I felt proud to have accomplished so much because I had been slacking off a lot lately. I feel almost back to normal now. This is important for my own well being more than others. When we pray for other people, it all returns to us in countless coins of love.